[BlackTears]

Last night was a bad night for me...I hardly slept at all as if having depression wasnt bad enough I also suffer from anxiety issues. All night I layed in my bed tossing and turning thinking about people breaking into my home and hurting us and my children..My husband sound asleep beside me and im sneaking into my kids rooms 3 or 4 different times during the night to make sure their still their and ok..Im constantly worried about my kids going outside or being away from me at all..My anxiety is so bad that I actually go over scenarios in my head how it would go down if it happend and what I would do and the whole scene plays in my head and sometimes its not a scene where we get out ok. I dont know why im like this but ive always been like this..Its hard to explain but I can remember the first time that it happend and how I felt.. I was 15 years old and I had walked to the store with my baby neice. On our way back from the little store I out of the blue pictured dropping her and I could really see her balling and I started crying and I held her so tight going home that my arms hurt..The next time something like that happend my oldest daughter was a month or so old and I had layed her on the floor and was cleaning up a bit...I needed to put away the iron and I had to go past her to do so and out of the blue I imagined dropping it on her, I once again started crying and held the iron so tight my fingers were going to fall off.. I in no way want to harm my children or think of harming my children my mind is just constantly swirling with things that could happend and what I should do if it did happend...It scares me keeps me up at night because if im awake then no one would really be able to sneak up on us.. But im exhausted and worried all the time.. But I dont know how to make it go away...I listen to all the sad stories of missing children or those who are found murdered and I cry and cry and cry and think its going to happen to my children...Its very scary and nerve racking.....

(((blacktears))))
Is there someone you can talk to about this
and talk too....
sometimes talking about it helps
worrying is so hard
anixety is real tough
know these are thoughts you are having and you and
your kids are safe.
Try to focaus on that..
if you can stop maybe watching those storys on tv
Remember self care
remember you matter
muffy

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( BlackTears ))))))))))))))))

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((BlackTears)))))))))))))))))))) Sometimes it helps to find someone to work things through with. Since you are experiencing what sounds like a lot of distress you may want to consider this. I am sorry you are hurting so much.

BB