[Melpomene]

I want to Oxford with my friend Rosie. No parents.

She was dead excited, I wasn't. It wasn;t that I didn't want to go, it's just that I couldn't have cared either way.

Anyway, when we got there it was full of laughter - the sugar high kind. But I kept stopping abruptly, as though the laughter wasn't real. Like I was doing it to make her think I was having a good tim, which I was. I REALLY was. I mean, we were laughing at nothing, which gives you the excuse not to laugh at all. Anyway, that might have been my paranoia telling me the laughter wasn't real for me.

I didn't explain that too well.

Anyway, the day we came back the coaches made me grumpy and I couldn't wait to get away from Rosie. Every single little thing annoyed me - and barely any of it had anything to do with her. I suppose that was just because I didn't want her to see me so irritated because that isn't a part of me really. Anyway, I felt guilty.

And today it's like the trip never happened in that I've gone back to depression. Maybe I never really left it anyway, I just managed to hide it from myself on the Oxford trip because I was determined to have a good time.

And I'm waiting to hear from CAMHS.

Anyway, this was me just typing things because I felt the need to.

[DOWNINNATICK]

Hi Melpomene;

Your laughter was real, the trip took you away from thinking on what you were feeling when you were home. Congrats, on going give yourself credit for that, and you didn't back out and stay home, that was one major step. The feeling when you got home was normal, it's just the let down knowing the fun was over in you mind, darn depression. Just explain to your friend what happen and your friend should understand, she may have felt some of what you were feeling.

Keep posting, it will help and just remember the great times you had, picture it in your mind and relive it.

[Fuzzybear]

[Melpomene]

Thanks.

posting does help, but not as much as the support