[mak62184]

I really don't understand how I can get up in the mornings. Without fail, I wake up unhappy and it just goes down from there. My stomach feels all in knots now, thanks to giving myself panic attacks like every day at work. I don't even know why I'm having them.

[EJ711]

mak62184,

When you are depressed, it is really hard to get up in the mornings.

Good for you for being able to hold down a job!

EJ

[Sannah]

Hi Mak, you got to where you are today because of everything that has happened to you on your way here. It is called development. If you are lucky and have good/supportive experiences you do much better. If you are like the rest of us here who didn't always have good supportive experiences, then it affects you and affects your functioning. The way out is self-understanding and problem solving. The best way to do this is a good therapist.

[mak62184]

Yeah, I'm supposed to start seeing one. I'm hoping that it will help me .

I'm starting to believe some of my depression is coming from all the negative energy in my home. I live with my parents still, and my 2 younger sisters do too. My older sister has moved out. But, without fail, every single day my 2 sisters always have this neagtive energy and act rudely to everyone. My dad also doesn't help with some of his behavior either. It's really sad too how I notice how negative and rude everyone is towards one another, but nobody seems to care or want to stop. Well, except for me, that is. I definitely am trying to not be so rude or negative. It's really sad though when you would rather be at home by yourself than to be around your family. And I know this is not the only contributing factor to my depression, ADD, and anxiety.

(((((((((((((((Mak))))))))))))))))))

You seem to be very aware of your feelings and why you have them ... my T says this is a good sign, i sincerely hope you feel better real soon, sending best wishes to you, take good care, you are doing so well holding down a job with depression and anxiety, good for you .... hugs, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

[Sannah]

I am sorry Mak, I have seen families that are really negative. Are your younger sisters elementary age and your parents just don't have the energy to set rules for them?

[mak62184]

Oh no. My sister's are 19 & practically 22. I'm 24 myself, and my older sister is 26. I think the biggest problem is that nobody has enough respect for each other, and always has to be right and only looks out for their own interest. For that reason, I think I have neglected my own interests and happiness sometimes, just so I don't have to get yelled at or worry about how people are going to react. I have also been blamed by the 22 year old that her negativity and bullying is my fault because I've had psychological problems and ADD my entire life, and she got no attention, which is not true. The reality is, I think she just takes after our grandmother a bit, which she does not like to admit at all.

[Sannah]

Oh, I see! Mutual respect is so important. After I became a parent 9 years ago I realized that children learn respect by parents respecting them first. Parents set the stage in the home I think. I also believe that if you continue to respect others at all times that they will find it very hard to continue to disrespect you. I think that it is an integrity type thing. I try to never lower my behavior and try to keep the high ground.

It isn't a good thing to think that you always have to be right. I think that it is something that people do who have low self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem it is really hard to accept that you aren't perfect. I had to learn this. It is much easier to not have to work so hard to try to convince yourself all the time that you are perfect. It is much easier to just be human.

So you are the peace maker and pleaser in the family? This is a tough job. Are you tired of doing it?

So your 22 year old sister doesn't want to take any responsibility for her own behavior huh?

[Fuzzybear]

[Angel_of_the_Past]

(((((((((((((((Mak))))))))))))))))))

[mak62184]

I just want to say, thanks for listening everyone. It is usually very difficult for me to talk about my family or criticize them, when they rightfully should be criticized sometimes. Whenever I do, people just tell me I'm the selfish one and ungrateful. But, when you have to worry about them acting snarky to each other in public, or not even communicating, there is something wrong.

I wouldn't say I'm the peacemaker in the house. I just let people know if I think they are being rude or immature. I mean, I know I can be guilty of those behaviors sometimes too, but I'm trying to work on it.

And yes, I definitely am a people pleaser. If you remember the show Fraggle Rock, I am exactly like the character Wembley. I hate hurting other people's feelings and just end up agreeing to not get people mad at me. This often occurs because I am very indecisive all the time. And yes, it does get exhausting because I end up thinking way too much about everything, and then I feel like my brain wants to explode.

[Sannah]

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mak62184 said:
And yes, I definitely am a people pleaser. I hate hurting other people's feelings and just end up agreeing to not get people mad at me. This often occurs because I am very indecisive all the time. And yes, it does get exhausting because I end up thinking way too much about everything, and then I feel like my brain wants to explode.

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This sounds like a good place to start making changes with yourself?

[mak62184]

Oh, definitely. I'm just getting sick of people taking advantage of my niceness, if that makes any sense. I can be so nice to practically anyone, do whatever they want, and never ask for anything in return. I'm such a pushover. Well, I think I need to stop that a bit. I don't mean becoming demanding to get my way all the time, but at least put my foot down once in awhile or let people know if I need something in return.

[Sannah]

Sounds like a good plan Mak! I basically had to do the same thing. What I worked on was my personal boundaries (where you draw the line and tell people no/protect yourself) and meeting my needs. Many of us grow up meeting the needs of a parent and no parent meeting our needs (kind of backwards!) When this happens we never learn how to meet our needs. I guess we learn how to take care of our needs by a parent taking care of them while we are growing up. I guess our needs get identified this way. If you grow up without ever getting your needs pointed out, you never learn that you have any.

[nightbird]

Sannah, awesome post!!!!

peace,
nightbird

best to you - you can change yourself - nobody else - and that change could be contagious! mak

[Sannah]

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nightbird said:
Sannah, awesome post!!!!

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Thanks Nightbird!