On my mind...

when I went to Italy I didn;t wantto do anything but go home. I didn't appreciate this lovely holiday my mum was bankrupting herself for. And when I got home I felt a little guilty for that.

But lately I've noticedI;m caring about people less. My friend is struggling with an eating disorder, her mum's ill and her parents are talking about divorce. So I say sympathetic things. But all i feel is that I SHOULDcare, whilst not necassarily caring.

One of my best friends moves away. I should be upset - in the past I'd be crying because I love her dearly. Now it was just a "here's a goodbye present, bye."

One thing I promised myself was that I wouldn't isolate myself from my friends, but I seem to be doing that. When I'm on MSN I set my status to appear offline or away, even if I'm there. I arrange to go out with people - at that time I wantto, but on the day I call and cancell. I think my back/shoulder ache is more psychological as well. There's no reason for it, I'm 16 and i don't do any physical work. but it started a fewdays before meeting my friends, and It's jsut kept going so I've been turining down invitations.

I think going back to school will be good for me. It will force me to socialise more at breaks and during frees. Unless I retreat to the library to 'work'. Then if anyone followed me they couldn't talk anyway.

I'm planning escape routes from my friends! That's surely not right.

My meetings with the transitions service haven't been working due to an error on my part, and a mistake in the place where we were supposed to meet yesterday. Anyway, the lady is coming to my house on the 17th, so I'll have to leave school a little early, but it'll be worth it.

if she can find my house.

I just want my first meeting over and dome with so I know what's gunna happen and everything. I wasupset yesterday over it not happening, but I am prepared to wait. What's 2 weeks after years of suffering? obviously I'd rather not wait, but I can wait a short while, though it's annoying. I just want to be happy. I can;t even add 'again' becaisei don't know if I was ever truely happy. I was always a loner at primary school so I don't remember having fun.