[silver_moon]

Lonely unloved unwanted
hurting so badly all i can do is cry

[silver_moon]

I'm SO useless :sobbing:

I'm so so lonely and it hurts physically so much. But, I can't do anything about it. I'm meant to be volunteering at a youth program and I just can't get around to phoning them to ask when I'm meant to be doing what. I applied for a job recently and it's a really good job and a really good chance for me to get out of this downward spiral of depression I'm in. But I'm too scared to answer the phone unless I know who it is. The phone just rang and I just left it to go onto answer machine and I just listened to the message and it was the company I applied to asking me to phone them back, so there's a possibility I may have an interview? But I just can't do it! I can't phone her back! And what happens if it is an interview, I can't handle them, I won't get it anyway 'cause I'll either end up canceling it (that's if I phone back) or I'll be a mess and ruin it.

:sobbing: oh I'm so useless, how have I got myself into this mess. I can't cope with everything anymore and this social anxiety is jut making everything worse!

Molly

[cantstopcrying]

Crying helps! It get's the bad feelings out so you can examine why you feel like that. I'm glad you came here where you know you won't be lonely and certainly not unloved. If you want to talk about what happened, I will listen.

[silver_moon]

(((cantstopcrying))) you always give me so much hope, thank you
But even with that hope I still don't feel able to do the things that I need to do... the things that will make me better

[cantstopcrying]

It is soooo hard to find the positive sometimes, but finding the positive will help motivate you. Why did you originally volunteer to help the youngsters? Certainly to do something good, to give back, to help. A lot of times in helping others we help ourselves. If you can maybe think of the positive you'll be doing, then pick up the phone and call them while there is still positiveness (new word, just invented!) in your mind, maybe that will get you over that first step. Regarding the job, it's not unusual to feel what you're feeling (ok, not unusual for me anyway); even positive change is change and change is scary. Whenever I think about my job being in jeopardy and the possibility of having to go on interviews and meet new people I throw up. The negatives of "I'll screw up the interview, I'll stumble over my words, I'm not pretty enough, thin enough, blah blah blah" start coming in. Honestly, hon, the way I've gotten through every tough interview is to think, "if I mess up, if I don't get the job, if they don't like me, what will happen?" Remember, too, that as much as they are interviewing you, you are also interviewing them. So that puts you in charge; if you aren't comfortable, get up leave, it's ok. I'm rambling here, but trying to impart things that have helped over my years. Oh, and take chocolate. Not for them, but for you for afterwards. If the interview went well, to celebrate; if not, then for comfort. (hmm, think I have some eating-for-comfort issues? ). Seriously, though, you can do it. And if this interview doesn't go how you want, you will get more. Everything happens for a reason and if it doesn't go well, you weren't meant for it!

[silver_moon]

Thank you. I will give it a try, I'm going to have to. I just don't know when or how 'cause I've got myself into such a state I haven't stopped crying and feel really really sick.



edit: and thanks for the advice with the chocolate too... comfort eating can sometimes be justified!