[cafegrrrl]

I'm feeling so trapped inside myself. Like I can't stop thinking. I usually feel like this for a few hours after seeing my counselor but this time it's not going away. I can't stand it.

I don't know what to do. I can't stand this feeling of being trapped and i'm so tired of thinking...I think i'm thinking in circles. And I just want to get away from me. I'm so tired of this whole thing.

I asked my counselor today what if there's no medication or med combo to help me...then what? She said that she thinks there's something because I had meds that worked once before. I also let her read my little art journal today and got reprimanded for writing about my new found smoke therapy. I forgot i had written about that.

I think that since reading my art journal, my counselor may agree with my doc about my possibly being bipolar instead of just unipolar-ly depressed. Yay. She mentioned the term "racing thoughts" a couple of times when talking and asking me about my art journal.

I still have a month before i even meet my shrink. And my doc decided that since Prozac isn't the right thing for me, I should try Wellbutrin. I took Wellbutrin before, but with Effexor. Never took it alone. It worked well with the Effexor combo. I'm afraid this won't work either.

I'm just so tired of feeling like this and being like this. Really, how long can this keep going on? I keep telling myself things will get better and all that crap. And, it's not true. Things keep going from bad to worse. Not just feelings and thoughts but my life in general. I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep.

I don't know what to do. Or what i can do. I just want a vacation from myself. OR my thoughts. or both.

I don't even know where to post this. Under depression? bipolar? meds/drugs?

[Sannah]

Hi Grrl, there is a way out. You just need to be patient and keep working. You got here because of your environment. Working through it is really the only way out to be free of all of this. I think that working on the issues is more important than finding that exact diagnosis. Working on the issues is the way out. Feeling trapped is an issue. Can you work on this with your therapist?

I'll bet that reprimand made you feel like a little kid? I don't like that. You need to feel empowered and to feel good about yourself....

[nightbird]

Hi cafe,

I have found that taking small steps, works best for me.

So, I try and stay in the moment, and live within this very day.

Of course, we have to schedule stuff for the weeks ahead, and I do that too, but I focus on the minutes I am handling.

By doing one thing at a time, or tackling one feeling at a time, I am less overwhelmed and have more energy to - even - enjoy the day as it progresses when things are sweet - yucky is still yucky - but only for those moments, see?

I would suggest that until you get to your appt. next month, you go on a shopping trip to a bookshop or visit websites of very reputable people who have cd's out you can play in your home, office or download to ipod ... who deal with affirmations and visualizations to aid in relaxation.

A good cd is worth so much when you can relate to the material, it is as good as a therapy session, aids relaxation and helps to eliminate the present stress you feel.

Visualization can do that. It's innerwork, and affirmations, who can't use positive suggestions into their consciousness?

I use Bellaruth Naprastak, but there are others as well. I heard there is only like one person better, and I'm a hard sell, so, I feel confident referring you to Bellaruth.

You can google too or go to Amazon, but check the credentials and what reviews say, just get a good tape.

Use it as recommended and you may find your outlook will change as well as your ability to live in the moment.

Best of luck to you cafe! Hope it helps. It's all I got right at the moment!

Peace and Comfort,
night

[Fuzzybear]

[cafegrrrl]

Thanks, Nightbird, Sannah, and Fuzzybear...
I'll have to check out those recommendations of yours too, Nightbird.

Sannah said:

"Working on the issues is the way out. Feeling trapped is an issue. Can you work on this with your therapist?"

Actually, i know my counselor is trying to prep me to do the things i need to do to improve my living situation. And, we talked about getting the ball rolling so I can perhaps move out of my house in the near future.

It's the feeling trapped in my own body and wanting out of my skin that's really driving me crazy. I don't know how to make that feeling or desire go away.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by cafegrrrl

It's the feeling trapped in my own body and wanting out of my skin that's really driving me crazy. I don't know how to make that feeling or desire go away.

Do you think that you are just wanting to get away from your own feelings?

[cafegrrrl]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you think that you are just wanting to get away from your own feelings?

I don't know. Maybe. Probably.

[Sannah]

I remember being uncomfortable with my feelings. What I did was first recognize that no matter what I was feeling it was a valid response to my environment and what I had been through. The rest was just working through the feelings by talking about them and understanding them.