[needing help]

Ok well Ive never done this sort of thing before but I feel like I have nowhere else to go......Im pretty sure Im depressed and i worry that Im slipping into a depression so sever that I wont be able to come out of it.
I realize the best thing to do is get help but i can hardly afford to eat right now. I could move back in with my mother to save on rent but I honestly feel like she is the reason I became depressed in the first place. My childhood was great but about 7yrs ago my father left my mother. About this time my only sibling moved in with his girlfriend, and my mother did not approve resulting them not speaking for 5 months! I had a full ride scholarship to an out of state school but i turned it down to stay with my mother so she wouldnt be alone. She got to the point where she depended on me so much that she would not go to the store alone, I became, in a way, her replacment husband and she ALWAYS made me feel guilty for doing anything that was not her idea or a direct benefit to her. I had no privacy (she made me feel guilty if i didnt sit in her room and talk with her every night until she fell asleep).After 2yrs of this I was overwhelmed and transfered to a school 2hrs away with out her knowing which set her into a depression and of course her amazing skill in making me feel guilty caused me to drive the two hours back every weekend to take her to wal-mart this went on for another two yrs until i graduated. Since my father left she has hated every guy i dated and made it impossible for me to have a relationship (she has even said she felt like i was "cheating" on her) I was dating a guy at school but I made sure she didnt know about it it caused stress on my realtionship having to be gone every weekend plus i lived in my aunts back yard so he had to park down the street and walk to my house after dark to see me (CRAZY right?).When i graduated i was very depressed, I now had to go back into THAT house with HER!!!
I was made to feel guilty for doing ANYTHING with friends which caused all my friends to fade out of my life. I eventually moved out which brings me to the present time. I have been dating a guy who is amazing and suprise she hates him but i was doing better and not caring what she said, i had gotten to the point where all the hurtful and degrading comments she made to me would just roll off my back but 3 days ago my boyfriend left me and it all came back, I didnt tell my mother that he left me becuase i didnt want to deal with the all familor "I told you so" and "if you werent running around like a slut you wouldnt have this problem" well anyhow she called and started yelling when i didnt want to tell her why i was crying (not answering one of her calls is not an option becuse she will send out a search party to find out what im doing and who is with me) anyway i hung up on her. It has been three days and my depression is so bad that if Im not asleep im crying, it takes all I have to get up to go to the bathroom, i dont eat. I cant talk to anyone (as i have no friends anymore) I need something to pull me together cause i need to go to work to get bills paid

[gimmeice]

((((((((((( needing help )))))))))) Depression is so rough I know I have been there several times, my mother tries to make me feel guilty which to a point works but I have stopped letting her know it is working. Have you checked into free or cheap counseling in your area? I am not really sure who you would call to check this out but it may be worth investigating.