[Longing4help]

I am looking for help to understand Major Depression Disorder and how I can help/support my boyfriend. I just recently found out that he has had MDD for years and that he goes through these episodes. I have been reading up on anything I can find and that is why I am here. I don't know what to do when he is going through an episode (which I read can last up to 9 months). He is currently not taking any medication for he does not have health insurance at this time. How do you not let the hurtful words he says (which he says he doesn't mean) not hurt you? How can you help and/or support a loved one with MDD? I love him very much and don't want to lose him.

[ScaredSad]

Originally Posted by Longing4help

I am looking for help to understand Major Depression Disorder and how I can help/support my boyfriend. I just recently found out that he has had MDD for years and that he goes through these episodes. I have been reading up on anything I can find and that is why I am here. I don't know what to do when he is going through an episode (which I read can last up to 9 months). He is currently not taking any medication for he does not have health insurance at this time. How do you not let the hurtful words he says (which he says he doesn't mean) not hurt you? How can you help and/or support a loved one with MDD? I love him very much and don't want to lose him.

First, I think it's admirable that you are taking the time to try and better support your boyfriend. It's awesome that he has such a wonderful person in his life. This is a multi-parted question so I'm going to have several parts to my answer.

The first resource I suggest you investigate is NAMI. It's the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill and I think it's nami.org though I'd google it just to be sure. They are an organization designed to support those with mental illness through self-advocacy. In many towns and cities across the US, they have member-led support groups for both those suffering with mental illness and the people who love those strugging with the diseases. It could be helpful for both you and your boyfriend to become involved with the organization if you decide it's a good fit.

The next thing I want to suggest is that, if it's available to you, you find a counselor, therapist, or support group to deal with the fact that you are suffering abuse right now. Though you are reframing it as a symptom of his illness, you admit that it hurts you. It's abuse... even if he "doesn't mean" it as he says to you. You admitted it hurts... now, make sure that you are getting support to deal with that pain. I commend you on trying to understand it through his eyes but please don't neglect yourself for him... that won't help either of you.

As for resources for him, there are some indigent programs set up throughout the country. However, funding has been GREATLY decreased this year so I have no idea if it's available in your area or not. NAMI's local contact would definitely know who could help in your area. If there is a good indigent program, it would likely cover counseling and psychiatric care including basic medications.

Typically, almost every drug company has a patient assistance program where he could get medications for free or very low cost. If he is able to see a family doctor WHO IS WELL TRAINED IN UNDERSTANDING PSYCHOTROPIC MEDS (WHICH VERY FEW ARE), it's possible that this MD could supply a RX and your bf could still get the meds for free or low cost. I recommend that as a last resort only because I'm a believer that counseling is an integral part of healing.

As for "not wanting to lose him"... you didn't mention what you are afraid to lose him to... the illness? the abuse? another woman? the world? a hole in the road that he doesn't see and falls into?

There are a million ways you could lose him and there are a million scenarios where you could be with him forever... but I'd put that as the absolute last on your priority list for now. There are lots of things that you can work on to make your time together more healthy and enjoyable. Stay strong. You can do this... but take care of yourself too.