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#1
Nov 08, 2008, 06:04 PM
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I wrote this yesterday. Sorry for length, this isn’t even the whole thing; I cut it off because I didn’t want to bore anyone to death more than I already do. Wasn’t sure where to post this.
It’s been a hard day, really hard, unsure. I want to talk but I’m still scared of asking a friend to talk to me. So I don’t. I guess this is me casting a fishing line into the ocean and I’m hoping I’ll get a bite, or sending a message in a bottle off and hoping I'll get one back. Terrible comparison. I’m none of this but I should be. This is part of my “plan”. It makes me realize everything I’m not. It’s making me sad. I don’t know why I wrote it anymore. I got news and some of you know it. I'm not really ready to say it completely publicly. The news is prompting me. I guess I wrote this to have it in words. Ahh, unsure about emotions  If I want to be a better person… I need to have faith in myself. I can’t deny who I am. I need to stop using drugs and alcohol as a crutch. I need to ask for help when I need it. No misplaced sense of pride will hold me back from admitting I need others. I need to take my medication every morning because I have an illness. I am not my illness, but I have an illness, and I need to accept that. I am not going to deny what happened to me. I need to stop wasting my time worrying about what others think of me. I won’t associate with people who take advantage of me. I can’t let people walk all over me. Instead of spending energy hating who I am, I’ll spend it striving to be who I want to be. I need to see my plans through and get motivated. If I start a project I will finish it. I need to be reliable- I will not let my friends down. I need to stop hurting myself. I need to realize that emotional abuse is just as valid as anything else I’ve been through. I need to see that what I went through does not make me any less of a man. I can’t let the past control me. I need to stop listening to the old tapes in my head. They were all liars and bad people. I have to listen to people care about me. I need to see that my stubbornness not only hurts me but hurts those around me. I need to let people in. I need to be a father, a friend and a partner. I need to accept change instead of fearing it. I have to make an effort to communicate with myself and accept all of me. None of us are stupid. I need to accept that things happen in life that are beyond my control. Not everything that happens if my fault. I need to accept blame when blame is due, but I also need to accept I can’t control everything. I can’t blame myself for the actions of others. I have to seize opportunities when they present themselves. I have to shape my own destiny and can’t let others decide my life. I have to be honest to myself and those that want to help me. I must accept that everyone makes mistakes. I need to see that I can trust people again. Not everyone will hurt me. I need to stop making excuses. I have to realize that suffering can’t be my teacher. No one gets better by being hurt. It's a lot longer A lot longer. I thought I'd share that though.
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#2
Nov 08, 2008, 06:14 PM
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(((((((((((griffe))))))))) how awesome!! That must havec been so very hard to do. I think sounds like a great plan! Well done!
__________________
____________________________________ "We can't talk at the same time! It doesn't work like that! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk!!" ~ Peanut 
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 Griffe
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#3
Nov 08, 2008, 08:36 PM
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awesome... tell us the news, when you feel ready and no sooner
 ((((((((((((((vince)))))))))))))))
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| Griffe
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#4
Nov 08, 2008, 08:36 PM
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(((((((((((( Griffe )))))))))))))))))
__________________
 Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." C.S. Lewis visit my blog at http://gimmeice.psychcentral.net |
| Griffe
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#5
Nov 08, 2008, 09:39 PM
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I will walk by your side and help you achieve this plan.
Great my friend. Wonderful.
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| Griffe
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#6
Nov 09, 2008, 03:45 AM
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   Griffe, I am so proud of you, this is a HUGE step forward, this is a very good list, I would love to see the rest if you want to share it. You can do this Griffe, and we are here to support you!! Lots of hugs Silver, Pip, and Fern |
| Griffe
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#7
Nov 09, 2008, 09:42 AM
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 Just remember, if you stumble the frog of little brain and friends are here for you. 
__________________
 kebs
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| Griffe
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#8
Nov 09, 2008, 10:29 AM
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Thank you everyone. Maybe I'll share the rest later but I'm not sure how comfortable I would be doing that right now.
I look forward to sharing my news with everyone once I've absorbed it a little better.
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#9
Nov 09, 2008, 01:35 PM
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(((((((((((((((( griffe ))))))))))))))))
Awesome!!! love and support, furry paws 
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#10
Nov 09, 2008, 01:42 PM
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((Griffe))
thank you... Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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