a minor accomplishment

Griffe,
Our histories of being stoic and accepting various things in life as our punishment for perceived weakness is...actually most everyone here has their own version of it.
It's one of the hardest to let go...

I've shared this before, but oh well; here is the repeat!

GIGO--Garbage In, Garbage Out.
Some time ago my T shared this with me. We were talking about the spiritual garbage we carry in a sack on our backs. It weighs down our spirits and our hopes, yet we feel this is the way life should be--that's Garbage In.
Garbage Out is recognizing that we do not have to continue to carry this garbage...it takes a wee bit of time, but we learn to toss that load off our backs.
Now when I hear those ancient voices of do this, don't do that, I silently--or sometimes out loud-- say G-I-G-O.
It's but a reminder that I do not have to listen to those old and painful ways of life...I may end up saying GIGO forty times before I see more clearly what is biting me, but I will see it.
Frankly, I was raised in The Church of Never-Ending Guilt. Any and all forms of suffering were welcomed so they could be offered up as a sacrifice--wow, some assurance of being heaven bound.
This was one of the biggest reasons I left that church and sought another spiritual path to walk...
I'm not implying that religion as a whole is like this, only that it is the way I was raised. My age is a factor here, also. Guilt and shame were very nearly tenets of that faith.

Ancient voices telling us to suffer, to accept loneliness, to deny our desires for help and companionship are just that--ancient voices. It's worth the effort to drown them out with more positive songs of the spirit...

By grace, I have been clean and sober for 26 years this month. I am deeply grateful for every day of it, and I'm very protective of it.
Pain meds--yeah, I've got to be careful with them. Careful, but not refuse all of them. My physicians are well aware of my fierce protection, I'm well aware of understanding there are still ways to get relief without waking that demon.
I've not had 100% pain relief, but 70-80% is tolerable. In conjunction with what is available, I do use non-traditional methods also...the very effective ones of meditation, music, etc..

Every step you take is valid and wonderful. That is how any journey begins--those first few shaky steps.
Shaking, hesitating, one forward/two back, weeping on one step and bellowing on another...welcome to walking to another more beautiful way of life.
Keep taking those steps, my friend. Don't give a damn, either, if all you can manage to do is an inch at a time...

Cap

Griffe, you are starting to do some really positive things, keep going! You can't get rid of the negative and leave a vacuum. Collect the positive and they will overcome the negative.