[gabski]

I'm 18 years old. I'm miserable, and I can't remember what it's like to be happy about existence. Since I was 13 years old in 7th grade, I've had depression. My parents are both family practitioners, I've had a very lucky childhood, one older brother, seemingly good friends...it doesn't matter though, I hate everything. There's a girl who is a good friend of mine- very different but I love her to death, I want her to be happy but I hate when i can't talk to her, see her etc...She knows pretty much everything about me, she knows how unhappy I am and how I don't want to be here, but it's obviously something she can't completely grasp- as she does not suffer from this. She's become more involved with a guy now and I feel as though I'm completely losing her- I hate it, everyday I grow more withdrawn from not only reality, but myself. I look forward to nothing and would rather not feel anything anymore. I've been seeing a psychologist for nearly 2 and 1/2 years now and I take a daily dosage of antidepressants. It doesn't seem to matter though, I hate the state of "being". I'm sorry.

-Gab

[notz]

Chin up dear. You can make it. I hate it that you're so depressed. But I understand. I think I was around 13 when I had my first bout of depression. Are you in school?

[gabski]

yes, I am still in school (senior in high school) and I take a couple classes in college...

[notz]

I'm glad you're in school and taking college classes too, that's cool. I bet it can be tough to swing from one environment to another, true? Howz your friend doing? She's all caught up with her boyfriend and I'm sure that feels crappy for you. I had a friend that kind of dumped me like that when we were early teenagers. It hurt a lot to be replaced in my young life when she started having other interests besides me. I didn't understand what was going on. I thought there was something wrong with me and I took the loss hard. But it was my friend growing up and about me learning to accept life's changes. Stay in touch, I'll watch for you.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( gabski ))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are struggling, you are at a very stressful point in your life it may seem like everything is changing. Have you talked to your therapist about these emotions that you are feeling?

[gabski]

Well I don't do well with change- I've always known that. I'm just so lost in everything going on around me that I want to give up...I want people around me to be happy but it makes me jealous because I am not. Thanks
-Gab

[notz]

awww Gabski........I 'm so sorry you're hurting so much. Change is tough. Don't give up! Like Gimmeice said have you talkied with your T about how you're feeling? Who else do you talk to? What about your other friends? Teachers? Besides your friend, what else is going on?

[gabski]

Well I don't really feel the need to talk to other people the way I talk to her...other people know I'm not that happy but I don't like to bring them down with my negative attitude and outlook on life...change is so hard and I simply don't want to keep going through it. Yes I want certain things to get better but all in all- its not worth the struggle.

[notz]

You can only do what you can when you can. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing. Letting things follow their course or another follow their truth is difficult. Knowing when to act and when to be still is the hard part.