In need of assistance...

My ex bf is now becoming very attached and wants to talk to me...but lately I've been feeling alright except for the fact I really don't want to talk and get angry. I ended up hanging up on him, my personality...and who I might be is changing considerably. We used to be very close, now our relationship is driftin apart. I believe he may have depression to a degree but he won't go to a perfessional for assistance because he cannot afford such. It's ruining what little of our relationship is left...I don't know what to do anymore. I have so many problems of my own that it's becoming difficult to focus on his or anybody elses now...even though I'd take their pain if I had to. Any insights on this ? Does anyone know where there might be information that can help my ex out ? Also, on my personal scale... I haven't heard back from any of the therapist so I'm going to try and find my own but...I don't know where to start, who to contact, or any of that...could someone please help ?

Hello Lilah -- Welcome to the Forums.

There are several issues in your post. Let me throw in my $.02 on them:

You wrote:

My ex bf is now becoming very attached and wants to talk to me...but lately I've been feeling alright except for the fact I really don't want to talk and get angry. I ended up hanging up on him, my personality...and who I might be is changing considerably. We used to be very close, now our relationship is driftin apart.

The fact that this is your EX bf suggests that the drifting apart began in the past and is continuing. Have you explained to him that your relationship has to change so that you can both move on? If you have, and he continues to hang on, you are going to have to establish boundaries that support the changes in you.

We all want to do this as gently and generously as we can. However, in the end (a) we are only human and (b) sometimes protecting oneself can mean hurting the other, even though we would really prefer not being put in a situation where we can see no other alternative.

I believe he may have depression to a degree but he won't go to a perfessional for assistance because he cannot afford such. It's ruining what little of our relationship is left...I don't know what to do anymore. I have so many problems of my own that it's becoming difficult to focus on his or anybody elses now...even though I'd take their pain if I had to. Any insights on this ?

Again, this is about taking care of yourself and establishing boundaries. An empty reservoir cannot provide water to anyone. You have build yourself up before you can take care of him -- or anyone else.

Does anyone know where there might be information that can help my ex out ? Also, on my personal scale... I haven't heard back from any of the therapist so I'm going to try and find my own but...I don't know where to start, who to contact, or any of that...could someone please help ?

Finding help often depends on where you live and the community resources that are available. A good place to start is the Yellow Pages under "Counseling."

Family Services or a similar United Way agency often has counseling services available on an reasonably priced sliding scale.

Churches and community centers may offer services or referrals.

Some private practices offer sliding scales as well. Sometimes it says this in the Yellow Pages. Other times, you have to call and ask about the pricing.

Lastly, in the blue pages of the Yellow Pages are government services. Your city or county Health Services department may be provide mental health services -- or can refer you. It can be challenging to find your way through governmental services listings. If you call the General Information number, it can take being referred to department after department to find the right one. It is important not to get frustrated and yell at people who are doing their best to help you. Start the process realizing that it may take quite a few phone calls to find out what you need to know or to find the person who can help you.

Lastly, I'd add this. Sometimes when I am feeling badly, making all these phone calls is just too much for me. If I can hardly move, how can I possible tackle such a large challenge?

On the other hand, there is always some small spark of hope in me looking for help. I leave the Yellow Pages open somewhere near the phone. That way, when I have a bit of energy, I can make one or two phone calls, and when it gets to be too much, try again later or tomorrow.

I hope this helps.

I didnt have any solutions to give ya, but I just wanted to give you a huggggggg and to say keep reaching out for the help you need.

Thankyou ._.

Anybody else ?

Tried to find you in chat but you already left
Angie

sorry i missed you (((hugs)))

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}} right back to you
We are very lucky , to have this forum
Angie

Yes, we are...and I am very thankful to the person who linked me here ((nothe))

ive been single for a couple years ... before that i just had a boyfriend here and there.....
ive allowed guys to hurt me in so many ways i cant even remember, and i dont even care anymore. ive become emotionally detached.
but people may hurt you if you let them...... its good to help other people with their problems, but dont completely sacrifice your own needs.... just try to make your own needs a priority over someone else's problems...