I'm choosing to be depressed

I feel awful... and it's my doing. I'm not doing anything on Tuesdays so I have the option of phoning (or calling in at) the school where I volunteer to offer to go in tomorrow... I can't! I can't go and ask face to face, I can't do phones at all so I don't want to do that... I'm umming and arring wether to go in on Thursday now too.
Shellgroup is tonight (youthgroup I volunteer at in a monday night), I don't feel up to going there, but I'm gonna have to because I don't have there number to say I can't go... I'll probably end up not turning up... but if I do that I'll never go again because I'll be ashamed of not going and not letting them know.

I'm fed up... I want to get all these emotions out and I can't... my mums just making me worse 'cause she's wanting me to talk to her but she doesn't understand when I say "I can't" so she's in a constant mood with me. the inly person who ever really understood anything was J, so I feel worse knowing that I 'used to' have someone understanding me and now I don't.

I just want it all to stop... I don't even know what to do 'now' just curled up crying 'cause of feelings and thoughts overwhelming me.
I'm ranting, i'm sorry.

(((((((((((((((((( molly )))))))))))))))))
Please don't be so hard on yourself, I don't think that you are choosing to be depressed, do what you can that is all that you can do. I am sorry that your mom seems to be in a mood over you not talking to her about all this, I get that sometimes with my mom too.

I would try to "do" one or two things like look up the group on the Web, see if you can find a phone number or site/e-mail address? I have trouble with phones too. Maybe you can go there "early" and just practice going? Sometimes that works for me. Do you know/like whoever you met to volunteer? Can you sort of talk to them, get them to "help" you get there? I sometimes do that. But sometimes just moving toward something helps me, if only for the next something. If I can get a bit further this time than I did "last" time, that's a success?

(((((((( silver moon ))))))))

Well no, I don't think anyone chooses to be depressed. We can use our best tools we have to help cope with things but don't beat yourself up for not being able to.

Just think, with the volunteer work you have the opportunity to truly help other children, how wonderful is that! If you are feeling really bad there is nothing better than seeing a childs smile! Do what you can but don't force it, I'm proud you are volunteering!

((((((((((((((( silver moon )))))))))))))))
This sounds like a lie to me... I do not believe anyone chooses to be depressed. (as another poster said I think, many of us have internal "lies"/"cognitive distortions" which we beat ourselves up with, often taught to us by unkind others :-( ) Please be kind to you sweetie

I think there is some truth to that one, however, I don't think we consciously choose to be depressed..at least I don't! It just shows up and knocks you off course...sometimes I can move forward...sometmes I just curl up and cry or sleep. It is a waiting game for me but what I realize is that my life is slipping by me and I have to make the effort to do and be the best that I can now...

Today you are not choosing to be depressed, but you can choose to make a call and reach out for support...you've already done one of those things!

I hope you're feeling better today!

TJ

Thank you, there's some great advice there.
The children smiling really does cheer me up and make it 'worth it'. I didn't manage to get to the Shellgroup last night... but i will continue to go. Think I've said before, Thursdays are my 'best' days... when I'm at the school I'm in a different world, I'm a different person and the kids love me so much.
Sometimes it's hard to 'get there' though.


That sounds true unfortunately.



Thank you everyone . Take care,
Molly

bad! bad bad bad

I just need it to stop... need it to stop!!

(((((((((((( molly ))))))))))))))))

I can't hang on why am I so alone

I hurt loads... mentally and physically

I am sorry you hurt, but your not alone. See we are right here for you.

I'm sorry you're feeling bad today...hang in there... Things will get better!

TJ