[bourne]

Where does one turn when there is nowhere left to turn? I am at a complete loss. I see people I know moving forward, getting married, making friends, advancing careers, just plain old engaged in life. I on the other hand have been stuck in the same inescapable rut for 20 years, friendless, loveless, broke, and miserable. I have tried, and tried, went back to school to get a B.A but ran out of money before graduation now stuck with a 400.00 a month student loan payment for the remainder of my life, and no B.A to show for it. I live in a closet, literally a closet with sheets drawn across the top with an folding camping cot as a bed. I can't afford a car, so am stuck in a dead end, low paying crappy job with zero hope of ever being able to earn enough to help propel me out of this hole. By the way did I mention I have zero talent or skill in any area. I am not particularly intelligent, and am constantly in fear of everything. So yeah I guess you could say I have a bit of a negative thinking problem. How do I stop it? how do I gain a foothold in that elusive world of self confidence.
You know, I blame my parent for my failure. I know that is not the correct thing to say, as we are all suppose to take responsibility for ourselves, but damn it! if not for my co-dependant mother, and narcissistic father maybe I would have learned to make better decisions, maybe I would have developed a more optimistic outlook on life, maybe I would have learned to cooperate, and maintain relationships with people, maybe I would have been loved and nurtured and known what it felt like to feel safe, and secure when it feels my world is falling apart. Why don't people think before procreating? Why do people take having children so lightly? Some people just should not be parents.

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by bourne

I live in a closet, literally a closet with sheets drawn across the top with an folding camping cot as a bed. I can't afford a car, so am stuck in a dead end, low paying crappy job with zero hope of ever being able to earn enough to help propel me out of this hole. By the way did I mention I have zero talent or skill in any area. I am not particularly intelligent, and am constantly in fear of everything.

HA! I have lived in a closet as well, only I had a mattress on the floor. I like to tell friends I'm out of the closet now. When I lived in the closet I had about the same situation all around as you are describing, even the same certainty of having zero toalent or skill. (Okay, I still believe the last part about me.) Still, I can see that you are quite intelligent. You express yourself very well. I know it doesn't help much to hear that from someone else but I wanted to give it a shot anyway. I don't know what to say but that there's hope for things to change for you.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( bourne )))))))))))))))

I am sorry that you are going through this, Is there any housing aid that you can qualify for? There are also grants that can help you go back to school, though I am not well educated in that area so I can't really advise you how to go about that.

[bennyjohn123]

All people have their own problems in their life even if they are so rich. You don't think aobut the lavish life of rich people. You must think about the great people who struggled in their life to attain better position. To attain your goals firt you avoid stressful conditions which are irritating everytime. Your negative thoughts lead you to think yourself that you are zero skilled. Every people in the world are differentially skilled. You are also skilled. First you find, which is your field of action. Then you give much care and importance to that one. For getting better advices you can go through pillwatch.com/theme/depression.html or cure-depression-now.com for better results.

For attaining your goals you want to bring your mind in stressless condition. It allows you to rebalance yourself. Good friendships and better relationship with your parents creates hopeful mind. I think if you follow these steps you can develop all your wishes in your life. You are not failed. You can create your own world.

[bourne]

Thanks guys for the helpful words of encouragement. I was having a huge pity party for myself for a variety of reasons some of which I am aware, some I am sure I am not. I am feeling better today, more hopeful, less angry, and defeated.

Thanks again.