i don't think it's worth it

Tao, I know it's snowy...trust me I know!..but please hon, go to the hospital, somehow. Talking about tall buildings and such and then knowing where you'll end up Sunday is not good. You know it, I know you do. Trust your faith here, Tao...that is not in the plan for you. I don't know why the plan includes your depression but it doesn't include you doing what you are thinking. You have so much to offer...the fact that you are going to a party shows you have acquantances if not friends. Tao, I know you said that waiting until Jan or Feb will make it easier on your family but you are wrong. My youngest daughters best friend no longer has parents alive. They both commited suicide, Tao. First her dad, then her mom od'd on drugs. I know you don't have children but you do have family. It's been 5 years and the whole family, parents and siblings as well as kids, are still devasted at that time of year and the sadness prevails all year. Tao, you can feel better. I know it is the holiday break, but will you please call the counselling place you went; if there is no one there because of the campus being on break then go to the ER. YOU are important and you matter and you CAN feel better.

i'm not making any plans. it's just that i realized last night i'd be tempted when i was downtown today, but i didn't end up downtown so i was safe...
acquaintances, yes... plenty of acquaintances... no friends. it's my church college group... everyone's invited...
i don't know for sure what will happen sunday... i just know i'll probably leave feeling alone and down... like the last party that triggered me out of being ok... and i don't know what i'll do then, or the next day when i'll be out... i just don't know.
i don't want to just keep going to the hospital, to get back out and get this way again, and go back, over and over.
i don't know. i don't know what i'm going to do.

I'm sorry that I haven't kept up posting on this thread, I really care just in and out of psychcentral lately.

I agree with crying. If you know you're going to be in a bad place on Sunday find a way out. Do you have any friends you can call? Or you can go to the hospital. Just, keep safe. Snow is everywhere... right now, it's here too

I can't offer much right now, I'm not doing wel lmyself but loads of hugs, keep safe

no, i don't have friends. i'm not going to the hospital... besides, they'll send me home if i'm not set on anything.
thank you... hope you feel better... i'll try to be safe.

is wierd asking, but wants know.
hospital costs to stay there for them to watch you?
was curious
glad you be safe

yes, i have an er bill from the last time i took myself in, but the psych stay was approved so i haven't seen a bill from it... i think it was covered by cmh...

I'm sorry about your dog. I wish that I knew how to help you. All of those things that you want out of life, you can work towards. If you don't know how, that's what therapy is for. The answers don't come all at once or easily, but they will come. You can make what you choose to out of your life. It doesn't have to stay like this. Please be honest with your T about how you are feeling.

Weekends are busy for me lately. I was battling the snow too. I almost didn't get to my T because of snow, and the clouds stole my brain again, or rather, I gave my brain up to the clouds I guess. But I had to check here and see how you are. How did you manage the weekend?

thanks. it went ok, it was the snow that made it ok, actually! the party i knew was going to be trouble was pretty much snowed out, so i didn't have to deal with it. i feel more stable now, though still pretty crappy. but better.