[saru]

Hi. I started coming to this web page after my mom who has suffered from depression for years, had a nervous breakdown a few months ago. She was in the hospital for more then a month. It was really hard to go see her, she wasn't herself and I didn't and still don't really know how to react to it
I don't know what is the best way to be supportive.
Well last night I called her to ask a question and I knew something was wrong, but I have been use to her acting that way every now and then all my life! I call it "weird" My moms acting weird again!
Well of course I get the call from my dad today to tell me that she has gone to stay with my grandma because the doctor changed her meds again and she is having trouble with it, and needed to go back to the doctor. And when I called my grandmother she said the mom had gone to the hospital again the other night when she first had a reaction to the new medication! She was doing really well there with the meds she was taking. They seemed to have finally got it right and then they change it again. Anyways, I just don’t know what to do. I ask her every now and then if she is taking her meds and she says yes. But that’s about it.
You know it is hard for someone who doesn't suffer from this to really understand whats going on, and then when your family doesn't let you know or even tell you when something happens, it's harder! But anyways, if you read this, Thanks! just vinting I guess.

[katheryn]

it is hard to understand how the person dealing with depression feels if you have never suffered with it your self, you mum might not be able to put it in words how she is feeling, i have several diferant areas that make me aware that i am worse than normal, one is i now i start talking way to fast and things seem to be rushing around me, i go to the doctors then

the only thing you can do for your mum if you dont live at home is let her know you love her doesnt matter what, phone her up talk to her about regular stuff, dont nag about meds show a interest but dont question about her taking her meds stuff like that, just generaly let her now you are there if she needs to talk

kathy

[stefano]

Right said. Very often you can just "be there". I say "just", but it means much, even if the person suffering is not able to express it.

Good luck

[Tumnus]

I agree with Kathryn and Stefano. Coming alongside someone who is depressed, even wordlessly, can mean a whole lot more than anything else. Your mom may have a hard time with even wanting you to know she's back in the hospital, which could explain the delay in your finding out.

[madisgram]

saru, i can understand your confusion about understanding something you don't have yourself. then add to that the family trying to probably protect you from "news" that you would have appreciated hearing. the solution to that may be to explain to them that you would like to be kept in the loop regarding your mom. if you're under 18, it will still be left to their discretion.
as for your mom's reaction to one of her meds...this is not uncommon but they will probably try another to replace it that is similar in it's properties. hopefully that change will take place soon.
as for understanding depression, this is a great site for you to reference depression, it's symptoms, etc. it may still seem somewhat foreign to you but i hope by your educating yourself about your mom's diagnosis it will help you better understand.
...and vent all you need to. sometimes that can relieve stress that is like a pressure cooker if you don't let it out.

[saru]

Thanks guys!
You know I didn't ask her about taking her meds, untill about a month after she got out of the hospital she stoped taking them and it caused all kinds of problems. so I get worried that she isn't taking them right and that she will just fall back into that awful way. My parents live a few hours away, so I don't see them that often,. I go and spend the weekend up there about once a month, but its not like we talk about the problem at hand. Its just hard to know what the best thing to do is.

[saru]

Originally Posted by madisgram

saru, i can understand your confusion about understanding something you don't have yourself. then add to that the family trying to probably protect you from "news" that you would have appreciated hearing. the solution to that may be to explain to them that you would like to be kept in the loop regarding your mom. if you're under 18, it will still be left to their discretion.
as for your mom's reaction to one of her meds...this is not uncommon but they will probably try another to replace it that is similar in it's properties. hopefully that change will take place soon.
as for understanding depression, this is a great site for you to reference depression, it's symptoms, etc. it may still seem somewhat foreign to you but i hope by your educating yourself about your mom's diagnosis it will help you better understand.
...and vent all you need to. sometimes that can relieve stress that is like a pressure cooker if you don't let it out.

Thanks! yeah. I have an issue with my whole family not telling me about things. I mean this is not the only time I have had a problem with that. I'm 25 years old. I'm adult and I can handle the news! you know? I need to know whats going on with my mom! how can I be supportive if noone tells me? Thats how I feel about it.
and I hope you guys are right about the meds. I'm not one for taking meds if you don't need to, but I understand that depression is a chemical issue and the drugs can help get that right. but waiting to find the right combination is deifficult.

[madisgram]

hi saru, you sound like a very stable person in your mom's life. how fortunate she is to have you! since you are 25 i'd really express your mind about wanting to be in the loop.
the other thing you can do is to listen to what your mom talks about. she will benefit from your love and caring support. it's very scary when you are depressed. like you said it's a chemical thing but when you're (your mom) feeliing so low it's difficult to be kind to yourself cause you may say, "well i've got nothing bad going on so why do i feel so helpless and hopeless?"
i dealt with depression for years and would ask myself these questions. and don't be discouraged about the timing of finding meds that work. sounds like the docs are working on finding a viable solution, a good mix of meds, to combat her depression. hope this helps and i wish you and your mom a blessed xmas!

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by saru

Thanks! yeah. I have an issue with my whole family not telling me about things. I mean this is not the only time I have had a problem with that. I'm 25 years old. I'm adult and I can handle the news! you know? I need to know whats going on with my mom! how can I be supportive if noone tells me? Thats how I feel about it.
and I hope you guys are right about the meds. I'm not one for taking meds if you don't need to, but I understand that depression is a chemical issue and the drugs can help get that right. but waiting to find the right combination is deifficult.

If it makes you feel any better, my mom called 911 because she thought she was having a heart attack and didn't even bother to call my sister, I think 25 at the time, even though they live in the same city. And I found out from my sister later on, not from my mom. Some moms do that, even to grown children. But maybe someone else in your family will listen to you about keeping you in the loop. I hear you about wanting to help...

[IsLifeWorthLiving?]

saru, not finding out things probally has very little to do with wether or not you can handle it. it is more likely that your mom cant handle you knowing. you may not understand, but the biggest fear of a lot of depresed people is that other people will treat them different when they find out. The best way to be suporrtive is to always be iopen to your mother, but let her come to you first. treat her normaly, let her feel normal. if she needs your help she will know where to find you.

((((((((((((((((saru)))))))))))))