My thoughts are scaring me

Ive been so far down in this hole for far too long. It just never seems to get better. I never see any light. Im trying to say busy but my head is in a really dark place. My thoughts are scaring me. They dont see a way out. Its only thinking of this painful existance. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to enjoy and no future without pain. Ive changed meds several times, im in a partial hospitalization program, and nothing is helping. All i hear is be patient. I cant take it anymore. Im tired of being patient. Im tired of this painful existance. My thoughts are really dark and im getting scared.

I'll be there with you... every time you close your eyes remember our support. We care about you and I know you can get through this.
How long have you been on the hospitalisation program? Is it time to be an inpatient?
((((((chrise))))))))
There is a future without pain, it will come.

In my thoughts, take care.
Molly

Chrise,

Hugs for you. I know how dark and scary thoughts can get. Only you know when it is time to go inpatient but it looks as though that time may be here or coming quickly. Just take care of yourself, whatever you do and get the immediate help when you need it.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

((((((((chrise)))))))))
iam sending you love candle to light ur mind and will full your mind with so much love to make your maind quite and calm

(((((((((Chrise)))))))))

Honey, i have been in that exact same place and, although it took almost dying to bring me out of it, I'm starting to get out of it.. I'm not in such a dark place and it's so much lighter and happier and I feel a little more free..

That day will come to you soon, I promise.. Take it from someone who's been where you are now.. Maybe becoming inpatient would be a good idea.. I had a spell in hospital, only 3 days, because of the drastic action I took to get away from all the crap I was suffering from, but it definately helped..

Please.. Remember we're here for you and I'm only a PM away..
You will be happy again, I promise.. So many people care about you and we're all here to help you.. reach out for the help when you need it..

Take care of yourself ,

Kirsten

((Chrise))
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time...
but I'm also glad you posted and reached out.

Please share with whomever you trust in the partial hospitalization exactly how you are feeling. I agree that a short stint inpatient will likely be helpful to you. It can break that cycle of hopelessness...it's hard to see anything being better when you are hurting so badly.

Keep us posted, please, Chrise.
We care.

Cap

I spoke to the staff at the program yesterday. They want me to go in. They said that they couldnt 302 me but if they asked the right questions they probably could have. Im talking to my husband today. Ill see if he is game. I really cant cope anymore. I feel like im going crazy.and i cant stop having really dark thoughts.for now im doing everything for the kids.i see the proram people tomorrow they are going to want an answer.im scared to go and scared not to go.

((Chrise))
Thank you for talking with the staff...
It took courage, but it also took honesty and I salute you.

Admitting you really can't cope anymore is not an admission of failure. It's a desire to live and to live with less fear and more hope and peace.

Chrise, please understand that making yourself the #1 priority is important, and you are worth whatever it takes to feel better.
Seeing you suffer isn't doing your family any good; it's most likely generating fear they don't understand but will blame themselves. Children are more attuned to these things than we give them credit for having...
I don't know their ages, but they will understand in their own way that their Mom is doing a good thing.

BTW...you are not only a wife and mother, Chrise.
You are a worthwhile woman deserving of self esteem and hope in your heart.
Sometimes we fail to remember we have an identity outside of marriage and motherhood.

Peace,
Cap

(((((((((((((((((( chrise )))))))))))))))))))

(((Chrise))) I can understand your feelings and where you are coming from. I am in a bad spot myself right now and am seeing my med provider and therapist tomorrow and part of what we will be talking about is if it is time for hospitalization. I have been there before and don't want to go but know deep down it is where I belong and where hopefully I can get these thoughts out of my head. Whatever you choice is I hope it is the right one to keep you safe and to help you past these difficult times. Please keep us posted. I am here for you and will be checking post for as long as I am able.

Andy

Chrise;
I'm sorry about the thoughts you are having, do you talk about these thoughts in partial group? I've been through a partial group as well, and talking about how your feeling with others who are having the same pain can help and they can give suggestion to help. I know everyone says hold on it will get better or it's our choice on how we choose to live, but when your down and in pain you just want to tell everyone to just go away. Keep going to group, find a therapist you trust as well as finding other groups to join to talk things over with, for someday it will change and some of the pain will leave.

Hugs
Cindy

(((((((((Chris)))))))))))))

I know how you feel! I have been there (and am currently there). I just want to offer some hugs and support!