panicky/depressed -- not sure which is worse

Yeah, so, it's like 4:00 in the morning and I'm wide awake. I woke up about 3, just feeling like utter crap, thinking bad thoughts and having trouble breathing. That's really the only sign of a panic attack that I have right now, aside from the edginess/anxiety, but it's an hour or so now and I still can't breathe normally. I have no idea what's going on, but I'm feeling like doing some damage, and that scares me.

Maybe it was the green pepper and onion pizza for dinner ;-).

I dunno. I just feel bad and there's nobody to talk to about it. I wouldn't dream of waking up my T or my pdoc, or any of my friends, for that matter. Sometimes I really, truly hate living alone.

candy

Hi Candy,

That's funny, I woke up at 3am as well - exactly. In my case it was a few glasses of wine that did it (I think).

Yes, mixed anxiety /depression is a bummer, and the bottom line is always just feeling bad. I go to the breathing when it's like this, count in for four, hold for four, etc.

With the thoughts I apply a method as well. I imagine myself doing a routine that I love, some exercise routine or something, and follow it through step by step in my mind.

Obviously you can't do both together, so it's usually breathing first and then do the thoughts after that settles down.

This stuff is so frightening, and making it into a kind of 'job' of work helps a lot. That's all I have for the moment, apart from saying that we are all rooting for you here, and we know what a lot you've been dealing with lately.

Good (calming) thoughts to you, Myzen

my god, 3am must be the bewitching hour for alot of us....was going through the same feelings....needing someone...but not willing to call. you're not alone....love grace

Hi CandyBear --

I am so sorry that you were in the middle of the night feeling all alone. A bad place to be.

I like Myzen's suggestion about finding a good routine, perhaps a gentle movement yoga or tai chi tape would be good. Or calming music. I sleep with a white noise machine set to the ocean waves. Other people complain that it just sounds like static to them. But the rhythmic ebb and flow of the static truly pulls me into sleep. If I wake up (and I, too, woke up at 3 a.m., but I am in a different time zone) to go to the bathroom, I can often get right back to sleep again, as last night.

You still have a lot going on. A new job is a huge adjustment, especially one that is pulling on you to grow professionally rather quickly.

Wish I could help more than offering virtual hugs and real prayers.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Candybear)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry the nights aren't kind to you. There is nothing worse than being awake and not being able to go back to sleep. The breathing part worries me though. See I have insomnia and sleep apenea and I stop breathing two to five times a week. It is very scary. You wake up gasping for air and it's not there. I use my inhailer and hope that works. Sleep disorders can be very dangerous. I can basically know if I am going to have a bad night if I have taken all my meds and I am not asleep by 11 PM. Sounds like you are hyperventelating. It may be a good idea to give your reg. doc a "heads up" on this. If it helps, I can relate!

AnAngel