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#1
Jan 27, 2009, 09:42 PM
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I don’t know what I’m writing except that I am depressed and that’s usually when people say the most heroic maxims right?
I feel like a plague. A plague to the social communities which have either been forced upon me or brought by my own hands. This is my first year out of Rehabs my first year to build up an empire. I’ve had two black books since leaving that small, small world. I hope only to keep you this time. So that I can make sense of some of the things which go on in my head. I can’t remember the small enlightenments of the day or the realizations inside my bitter mind. A plague? Well that’s because my entire life it seems I come into people worlds, in time of crisis, or stress. Yes that makes sense. STRESS The plague which taunts the heads of those under tainted circumstances. I’ve always felt like the slab of fat sewn onto someone’s head as a burden to carry. Why don’t I understand!? Why do I have some type of block inside my mind which disavows me to continue in life? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Does he Exist? Just because a voice inside your head tells you yes doesn’t mean he exists!
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When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me. |
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#2
Jan 28, 2009, 10:19 AM
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Well no, you are not a plague to us here, I hope you can find some comfort in sharing here. Welcome!
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 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
 iskm12
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#3
Jan 28, 2009, 10:23 AM
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Welcome!
I hear your tortued soul. Please keep posting!! I think it might be helpful for you. I'd like to hear from you more so I can understand more of your plight. Help us understand even more? |
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#4
Jan 28, 2009, 10:42 AM
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welcome to pc! i'm very glad you have found us. keep posting and try to get out your feelings. we care about you.
 you may feel like the plague but, no, you are a unique human being with genuine feelings.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#5
Jan 28, 2009, 11:07 AM
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Quote:
I'm not sure what is troubling you. Lenny
__________________
I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#6
Jan 28, 2009, 01:56 PM
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I believe I found
my answer or is there still truth to be Held? "she claims she's unsure of God" everybody has to believe in something... Then again I'm losing faith in myself.... I'm failing I'm right I am failing, I've failed my entire life. But this is as far as I've ever been. Things are destroyed, things can be renewed.
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When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me. |
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#7
Jan 28, 2009, 06:13 PM
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things can be renewed and new things gained
are you feeling lost from God? Quote:
*hugs*
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#8
Feb 08, 2009, 01:58 PM
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I have felt lost from God for quite some time... as to finding him again I have a mentor who is helping me with that in a sense, I dont think she understands me though, I think in a sense I scare her and I dont mean too... it seems like everywere I go I scare people... or I am a plauge to them... a hungry paraisite... who knows what is really meant to be... if God exists then perhaps one day I will find him... or perhaps the Hathors will speak to me first... it is unknown to me.
__________________
When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me. |
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#9
Feb 08, 2009, 02:14 PM
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*hugs*
remember, from everything I've heard and know, God works in ways that are strange to us. maybe try to figure out today... what to do now, do as much good as you can. If we are sheep, we can try to be good and in so doing, perhaps we stray. But God is all knowing... if he's the Shepard he'll guide, right?  not sure, Im not very religious, dunno if that's bad...I hope he comes to you, I hope you can move through life on your own in good ways , you don't need him to act, you can make alot of good on your own. Maybe that's something to learn?
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Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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