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  #1  
Old Jan 27, 2009, 09:42 PM
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iskm12 iskm12 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: In the dark corners of my mind
Posts: 56
I don’t know what I’m writing except that I am depressed and that’s usually when people say the most heroic maxims right?
I feel like a plague. A plague to the social communities which have either been forced upon me or brought by my own hands.
This is my first year out of Rehabs my first year to build up an empire. I’ve had two black books since leaving that small, small world.
I hope only to keep you this time. So that I can make sense of some of the things which go on in my head. I can’t remember the small enlightenments of the day or the realizations inside my bitter mind. A plague? Well that’s because my entire life it seems I come into people worlds, in time of crisis, or stress. Yes that makes sense.
STRESS
The plague which taunts the heads of those under tainted circumstances. I’ve always felt like the slab of fat sewn onto someone’s head as a burden to carry. Why don’t I understand!?
Why do I have some type of block inside my mind which disavows me to continue in life?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Just because a voice inside your head tells you yes doesn’t mean he exists!
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When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.

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  #2  
Old Jan 28, 2009, 10:19 AM
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pegasus pegasus is offline
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Well no, you are not a plague to us here, I hope you can find some comfort in sharing here. Welcome!
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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein
Thanks for this!
iskm12
  #3  
Old Jan 28, 2009, 10:23 AM
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Berries Berries is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: in the glitch inside my brain
Posts: 2,160
Welcome!

I hear your tortued soul.

Please keep posting!! I think it might be helpful for you.

I'd like to hear from you more so I can understand more of your plight. Help us understand even more?
  #4  
Old Jan 28, 2009, 10:42 AM
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madisgram madisgram is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2008
Location: Sunny East Coast Florida!
Posts: 6,873
welcome to pc! i'm very glad you have found us. keep posting and try to get out your feelings. we care about you. you may feel like the plague but, no, you are a unique human being with genuine feelings.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
  #5  
Old Jan 28, 2009, 11:07 AM
Lenny Lenny is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2008
Location: SC
Posts: 4,083
Quote:
Originally Posted by iskm12 View Post
Does he Exist?
Does he Exist?
Just because a voice inside your head tells you yes doesn’t mean he exists!
Who is he?

I'm not sure what is troubling you.

Lenny
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I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them....
Sobriety date...Halloween 1989.
I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one...
  #6  
Old Jan 28, 2009, 01:56 PM
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iskm12 iskm12 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: In the dark corners of my mind
Posts: 56
I believe I found
my answer
or is there
still truth to be
Held?

"she claims she's unsure of God"
everybody has to believe in something...

Then again I'm losing faith in myself.... I'm failing
I'm right I am failing, I've failed my entire life. But this is as far as I've ever been. Things are destroyed, things can be renewed.
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When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.
  #7  
Old Jan 28, 2009, 06:13 PM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 9,092
things can be renewed and new things gained

are you feeling lost from God?

Quote:
"she claims she's unsure of God"
everybody has to believe in something...

Then again I'm losing faith in myself.... I'm failing
do you want to tell us more about that?

*hugs*
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First year out and already a plague to social communities

Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

  #8  
Old Feb 08, 2009, 01:58 PM
iskm12's Avatar
iskm12 iskm12 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Location: In the dark corners of my mind
Posts: 56
I have felt lost from God for quite some time... as to finding him again I have a mentor who is helping me with that in a sense, I dont think she understands me though, I think in a sense I scare her and I dont mean too... it seems like everywere I go I scare people... or I am a plauge to them... a hungry paraisite... who knows what is really meant to be... if God exists then perhaps one day I will find him... or perhaps the Hathors will speak to me first... it is unknown to me.
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When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.
  #9  
Old Feb 08, 2009, 02:14 PM
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turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 9,092
*hugs*
remember, from everything I've heard and know, God works in ways that are strange to us. maybe try to figure out today... what to do now, do as much good as you can.

If we are sheep, we can try to be good and in so doing, perhaps we stray. But God is all knowing... if he's the Shepard he'll guide, right? not sure, Im not very religious, dunno if that's bad...

I hope he comes to you, I hope you can move through life on your own in good ways , you don't need him to act, you can make alot of good on your own. Maybe that's something to learn?
__________________
First year out and already a plague to social communities

Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

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