[silver_moon]

It's only 8.45am. I've woken up from my nightly nightmares and I'm a mess already. Today is going to be so hard... I want to sink into the ground, hide under a very large mountain of rocks. Anything! Just don't want to feel like this.
A lot of memories and bad thoughts today. Very triggery.
I just do't want to have to do this. And it's fallen on a weekend too so my dads home. I could go out and get away from him, but I think that'll trigger me more, being out today. Sorry, that doesn't make much sense.
I hurt. So incredibly much!

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((((((molly)))))))))))))

[nowheretorun]

hi molly, when will you finally be tired of this cycle and willing to get out and do what you need to do for yourself? what is happening with the GP and T? why havent they seen you yet? you need help, and soon

[silver_moon]

I am seeing and talking to GP
I am on a waiting list for T
I am doing what I can do
People who aren't 'every day' depressed struggle with this day also, I think I'm entitled to have some feelings... there's a lot of past history.
I'm sorry I mentioned it
The only reason I am not going out today is to save myself from being triggered more.... doesn't mean I'm letting depression beat me and just sitting and sulking. I am trying to keep occupied. I'm doing things to help. That doesn't mean that it'll stop all these feelings I have...
It was just a rant I am trying... trying hard, but everyone on here knows it's not easy and even if you try your hardest it doesn't happen over night.

[kittykins9]

Silver Moon-
Just want to send my best to you and my sincere wishes that you get through this day. Know that you are supported in this community and that your presence is a gift to us.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/images/smilies/love.gif
Kkins

[nowheretorun]

couldnt agree with you more about the not easy part, movement happens eventually tho and we all are trying very hard to help you as you can see so we hope that something is getting thru.. i wonder if you are one of those who needs more personal attention with someone on a day to day basis? someone who can constantly be with you and answer your every fear so that at some point you reach the center of the nugget... sometimes i have had to chase and chase the rat in order to finally pin it down.. spinning in one circle harms the individual and the whole... im hoping you recieve something from this.. best to you always

[Berries]

((((((((((Silvermoon))))))))))

I am sorry this is such a difficult day for you. I think you are doing the best that you can in a terrible situation. Hang in there. You can do this.

You have all of our support and caring.

[justfloating]

So sorry things are rough today. If you think going out is going to make you feel worse, not better, then you stay in. I'm glad you're trying to keep yourself occupied, and I know how difficult it is on bad days to even crawl out of bed, so I'm proud that you've managed that! Take care of yourself, okay? Sending lots of warm hugs and good vibes your way.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((( Molly ))))))))))))))))))))))

I am sending you lots of hugs.

[madisgram]

oh, (((((SM))))),i am so sorry today is not a good day for you.this day won't last forever, try to be gentle and kind to yourself going thru this day. i hope u feel better real soon.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by silver_moon

I am seeing and talking to GP
I am on a waiting list for T
I am doing what I can do
People who aren't 'every day' depressed struggle with this day also, I think I'm entitled to have some feelings... there's a lot of past history.
I'm sorry I mentioned it
The only reason I am not going out today is to save myself from being triggered more.... doesn't mean I'm letting depression beat me and just sitting and sulking. I am trying to keep occupied. I'm doing things to help. That doesn't mean that it'll stop all these feelings I have...
It was just a rant I am trying... trying hard, but everyone on here knows it's not easy and even if you try your hardest it doesn't happen over night.

you r so right, molly. it does take time to heal and yes, you are entitled to your feelings. i just wish i could help take away some of your sadness. what i can do is be your friend. know that you can pm me anytime if you are comfortable doing so.
i had a very rough time with depression and know how horrible it feels. you should pat yourself of the back for every step you have taken to help yourself. i hope the waiting list for the T doesn't take too long so you can start your therapy. it really, really helped me. i hope that gives you hope too.

[rappacinisgarden]

((((Silver Moon))))

[silver_moon]

Thank you all for your hugs and kind words and suggestions.
I guess a reason I rant on here so much is because I don't get to talk to people IRL all too much and even if I did have someone to talk to, I wouldn't say much about 'this'. Just feel like I need to communicate with people in some way. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm not very good at explaining my thoughts.

Originally Posted by madisgram

you r so right, molly. it does take time to heal and yes, you are entitled to your feelings. i just wish i could help take away some of your sadness. what i can do is be your friend. know that you can pm me anytime if you are comfortable doing so.
i had a very rough time with depression and know how horrible it feels. you should pat yourself of the back for every step you have taken to help yourself. i hope the waiting list for the T doesn't take too long so you can start your therapy. it really, really helped me. i hope that gives you hope too.

Thank you
I've gone through the assessment stage (it's so confusing here) so hopefully I should be seeing a T before summer. But, the therapist who did my assessment said that, if I needed to, I could always arrange an appointment with her before then.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by silver_moon

Thank you all for your hugs and kind words and suggestions.
I guess a reason I rant on here so much is because I don't get to talk to people IRL all too much and even if I did have someone to talk to, I wouldn't say much about 'this'. Just feel like I need to communicate with people in some way. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm not very good at explaining my thoughts.




Thank you
I've gone through the assessment stage (it's so confusing here) so hopefully I should be seeing a T before summer. But, the therapist who did my assessment said that, if I needed to, I could always arrange an appointment with her before then.

molly just me, but why not go ahead and see the therapist that did the assessment and offered to see you in the meantime before you officially hook up with your new T? summer is a ways off and you needn't suffer til then if you don't have to. you are motivated to get help. i applaud you for that. you're not wallowing in self pity either! would u consider giving that interim person a call to see if you can have a session? keep us posted, moll, we do care so much about you. if you ever want to pm me please feel free to do so. having had depression so debilitating i can really relate to how u are feelling right now. and you're correct to believe that having a T to assist you is a very good thing. i can't express how much it helped me and dealing with the depression.

[Berries]

((((((((((silvermoon)))))))))

I hope you survived, yesterday. Just thinking about you and hoping today is a better day, for you.


Formerly, Lbien

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( molly )))))))))))))))))

[nowheretorun]

SM i think that Madisgram has some very good advice here, the suffering can not continue

Originally Posted by madisgram

molly just me, but why not go ahead and see the therapist that did the assessment and offered to see you in the meantime before you officially hook up with your new T? summer is a ways off and you needn't suffer til then if you don't have to. you are motivated to get help. i applaud you for that. you're not wallowing in self pity either! would u consider giving that interim person a call to see if you can have a session? keep us posted, moll, we do care so much about you. if you ever want to pm me please feel free to do so. having had depression so debilitating i can really relate to how u are feelling right now. and you're correct to believe that having a T to assist you is a very good thing. i can't express how much it helped me and dealing with the depression.