For the past few weeks I've been having suicidal thoughts. Not serious, more or less intrusive ones.

I don't really need to go into detail about how and why depression sucks, chances are if you are even looking at this post you already know.

Cynicism, lack of motivation, the heart ache without any broken heart, I can't really be as supportive as I'd like to be right now because I don't really have any patience for people at the moment, (sorry guys, that includes you all too) it's the want to disappear, the want to go away for awhile, being bombarded with thoughts to hurt myself. Nobody notices though, and that's good...because I don't want to talk about it, I have no tolerance for neither their questions nor advice. The only people I really want to open up to are my friends, and while I know my friends here won't reject me for these hurts, it is this fear that keeps me from telling my friends offline ....and I want to tell them the most though.

Anyways, sorry for the mini rant thing.

[pegasus]

Sorry you are having a really rough time, care a lot about you, known you a while now. Hang in there.

Hugs (((((((((((( Kaika )))))))))))))))

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((( kaika )))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry that you are feeling bad, I am sending you some hugs.
Try some good self care, maybe it will help.

[moodycow]

hi when i feel like this i sometimes "beat" the walls with a pillow .no harm done and sometimes helps !! hope you feel better soon . ps love the pic x

[trevorzero]

Every word that you said resonated with me. I keep waiting for people in the real world to notice that I am miserable day after day. If they notice, they do not care.

I do not care either.

Well, mama managed to cheer me up, the night ended on a good note. (Except I'm busting my butt on a Piano lab project due tomorrow, I'm going to have to type it tomorrow in school)

My intrusive thoughts come and go, sometimes they are more scary then anything else. But more then that they are just there, not necessarily with emotion attached. In between my moment of hapiness the emptiness in my chest rips me apart.

[shezbut]

((((Kaika))))

Yes, I do know how you feel. I am very sorry ~ hope that you have a counselor (psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker) that you see for these miserable thoughts.

Best wishes and to you ~ whether you say you want em or not !
Shez

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( kaika )))))))))))))))))

[froggie2]

Sorry you are having such a hard time. Its not much fun. Hang in there. How about pamper time.? Warm bath with oils , candles , give yourself a hug. Make it two another from me. and Hang in there.

[Berries]

(((((((((((Kaika)))))))))))

i hear and understand and can relate

[turquoisesea]

no words, but read and sending hugs

[nightbird]

((((Kaika))))

I care about you so much and I feel bad that your having depressing thoughts and anxiety.

I hope there is someone in real life you can go to, maybe a minister, a teacher, or guidance nurse, or your family doctor.

Meanwhile, please self-soothe.

I think you do great, no matter what, and you can add something to your routine just for you, like a yoga class or something.

That may be just the ticket to lessen the intensity while you wait to discuss it with IRL people.

Anyway... a dance class may be nice to, or an acting group at school... somewhere where the focus is on you and how you relate to the activity rather than being the receiver so much.

Just some suggestions... it's okay if they aren't what you like or have in mind, but I wrote you because things like this have helped me.

Peae and Support,
Night
xoxoxo