I ask all those of you that have given.........

I ask all of you who have given me support to forgive me for not thanking you and for not coming back in and giving you an update. Truth is, I have come back and tried to but I get here or just get even logged in to log back out with no energy or anything to really say to tell anyone what is happening. Inside, I am screaming and outside I am too exhausted to even type.

Truth is it hurts, inside and out. I am scared. I am unsure who I am and what is going on right now. I am unsure of what to say. The words seem at time to turn on me and come out wrong. All I want is to feel better and help others. Is that too much to ask? I know none of us asked for this, for any of this that we go through--but that doesn't stop it. It doesn't ease it.

As I sat in my t's office the other day--I couldn't see for the tears falling, I couldn't breath for the conjestion that the crying caused, and I couldn't understand why I was feeling what I was feeling. Why I couldn't figure out who I was or why things happen. I was angry yet sad--and I wanted to hurt yet knew that even though it would help me for the moment of what I needed and my t understood that--it wouldn't change what I felt or what was happening.

I have barely moved all weekend and I feel like I am hurting from within my heart. I know it is from depression and all that comes with it. I am trying to reach out but it hurts to even sit here and do that. I feel not deserving. I feel scared and afraid because I may not get any support because I find it hard to sometimes come back and answer. Not because I don't want to--I just have no energy or I get here and I cannot stay. I get scared.

I do thank you all for what you say to me and I appreciate the support. I am sorry that I did not come back sooner. You all mean a lot to me and I do think of you, it is just me right now. I am sorry, and I do hope that you all will forgive me for not getting back sooner.

dps

((((((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))))))))))))))))))) no forgivness needed
just take care of you ....depression is so hard, it kinda makes you sit still.
cry all you need sometimes we all need to release it.
keep posting when you can , get it out. Then maybe you will start to feel alittle better kind one
(((((((((remember you matter))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((dps)))))))))))))))))))))))))

All we hope for you here is that you do what you have to to take care of you. If anyone understands how difficult life is with depression, it's the people here. Take good care of yourself and post when you feel up to it. Sending lots of hugs.

(((((((((((((((((((((dps))))))))))))))))))))))) Please use self care first. Sometimes it is just too hard to provide others support. We understand.

BB

Watch and listen. It helps

((((((((((((((((((dps))))))))))))))))

Quote:

ask all of you who have given me support to forgive me for not thanking you and for not coming back in and giving you an update. Truth is, I have come back and tried to but I get here or just get even logged in to log back out with no energy or anything to really say to tell anyone what is happening. Inside, I am screaming and outside I am too exhausted to even type.

oh dear freind as far as beads concerned you do not even need to ask for forgiveness............we unnerstands how hard things are for you rite now and are concerned that you take care of you most importantly!
sometimes it seems like we are not making any progress at all while we are in the thick fo very difficult times while in reality that is offen when we is makeing the most progress\doing the hardest work!
please dont be so hard on yourself because iffen you were'nt trying you would not of even been able to post this and we are so proud of you for getting this much accomplished!
our heart goes out to you for all of the physical and emotional pain that you are experiencing ritenow.......we go there ourself quite offen and can only post when the pain subsides for awhile.......anyway we unnerstand where you are coming from.........

Quote:

As I sat in my t's office the other day--I couldn't see for the tears falling, I couldn't breath for the conjestion that the crying caused, and I couldn't understand why I was feeling what I was feeling. Why I couldn't figure out who I was or why things happen. I was angry yet sad--and I wanted to hurt yet knew that even though it would help me for the moment of what I needed and my t understood that--it wouldn't change what I felt or what was happening.

it sounds like you are doing some really hard and good work in therapy and that is soo good news...also we get that therapy alone can leave u so exhausted you dont have the energy for anything else somedays...........and that's okay! you are okay|!
your goodest effort is all that you can expect from yourself and it ousnds like you may be in need of quite a bit of rest rite now............
get the rest you need and take care of you dps.........
beads and surely many others will still be here with you when you are feeling up to posting

beads thinking of you and send you warm peaceful, comforting, soothing thoughts and hugs,

xxx

all of us beadys[/SIZE]

((((((((( darkpurplesecrets )))))))))

Dear one, you have such a kind heart, you don't need to apologize to us. I'm always glad to see you when you are online.

Therapy is hard work, it hurts at times but you are doing it. You are healing gradually. You are reaching out. I hear you, sitting with you and if you ever need please PM me.

To all of you that are here, I love you all and thank you for your support. Your kindness goes beyond any words that I could say and I am the lucky one to have the understanding and support of faithful friends that are always here and ready to give a helping and understanding hand when I need it.

My heart is smiling as tears have filled my eyes from all the kind words and love that you all give. I only pray that as I can I give back even half what you all give to me. I am hurting so much but I wanted to take a moment to say thank you and let you know I am trying. I don't know if this says anything that makes any sense at all. I feel like my head is at another point of screaming outward yet inward words are pounding at a point that I am not sure of.

All I know for sure is I want to say thank you all and you all mean the world to me.

dps

(((((((((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))))))))))

just want to say that you mean the world to us too!!!!!!!
hang in there and know that we are thinking of you
our heart goes out to you for all of thae pain that you are in and we wishes we had a magic wand that would take it all away........but we doesn't so instead we is sprinkling buckets of bright, sparkley, glittering, happy, soothing, calming pixie dust all over you and your world!

xxx
beads (all of us)

(((((((((((((((( dps )))))))))))))))))))) my dear one

I'm sorry you are having such difficulties. I know it can be hard to see the forest for the trees at times. So many things to work on and so little energy to put into them. One thing at a time hon.....just one thing at a time. I know how you tend to lump it all together and feel like you are failing at not working on everything all at once....you may be a SUPER woman but you aren't superwoman None of us are. We just do the best we can do and that's all there is!

You know I love you and I'm here for you.


sabby

(((((((((((((((darkpurplesecrets)))))))))))))))

I believe you when you say how hard you are trying.

And there is no need to apologize.

I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I wish I could take it all away. You are so kind and giving and deserve a much better quality of life.

Take Care

(((((((((((((((((( darkpurplesecrets )))))))))))))))))))

Once again all of my wonderful friends that I love, thank you. I am trying and pushing myself forward as hard as I can. It does takes a lot of energy to make one black letter appear here, but I had to let you know how much you all mean to me.

Thank you all so much and know that I will be back strong soon I hope. I keep fighting and putting one foot in front of the other. Even though I do not understand what is going on within me I still am fighting as best as I can. As much as it hurts, I am hanging on and will. I have too many friends to let go.

THank you for all your love and support. And I just hope you know that I love you all and am reaching back to you with all I have right now. I may be in the quick sand but I am holding onto the rope, I won't let it pull me under.

dps