[hesterprynne]

my husband suffers from this, as well as RA. we have been married for 20 years, he has been able to only work part time since then.
i feel so guilty about this, but i am tired of it. tired of his being ill, tired of him not being able to do the things i like, tired of this feeling that i am destined to be a caretaker.
i lost my feelings for him years ago. i love him as a friend, not a husband. and i feel so overwhelmingly guilty about these feelings.
how do you deal with a disabled partner? do you get sick of it? have you had affair just to be with someone who is healthy and fun? how do you deal with the guilt?

[Inny2009]

I am sorry you are having a difficult time through all of this. I hope you can take some time for yourself and go and breathe and do something you want to do, like go shopping or to a spa or even to just read a book. Maybe there are some options to a caregiver support group? I also think you should relay your feelings to your husband. We all go through those times if your married. You look at the other person and wonder..what it would be like to be with someone else. But the idea is your still with him, you may love him as a friend...but you still love him. There can be ways to rekindle your marriage but instead of going to him as a caregiver to patient go to him as a wife goes to a husband and tell him you need more romance in your life, you need to work on your marriage and you need him. May I share something with you? Its not as big a deal as your situation but i hope i may help you. Im 22 years old with a husband and a 1 year old child. My husband does not only take care of our child but me to. He helps me climb up stairs, sometimes get dressed, i take naps during the day and i work only part time, not to mention pretty much full time care of our son. I hate this, i cant stand it. I dont want my husband taking care of me! Im only 22! I talk to him about it and he lets loose his pent up frusteration once in awhile. I feel bad for him and embarressed for myself. One day I asked him if he wanted to leave me because i am so sick and so young and its going to be like this (or worse) for the rest of our lives. He said, "we all get old, we all get sick and we all need taken care of eventually..you just chose this route alittle early(lol). I married you because I love you and you are not your illness and if im gonna have take care of someone other than our son I want it to be you. Because your well days make it so much more worth it to spend with you. "He can be alittle greeting card esque lol. Im sorry your having such a hard time. I really really dont think an affair would help the situation at all. But you doo need more time for yourself to go out with friends go have a drink or go to a movie..but spend some more quality time with your husband not just time that involves taking care of him. He probably hates that you have to take care of him as much you do sometimes. Good luck, I hope i helped at all if not i wish you the best!!