[enuf4me]

Hi on this Saturday!
I'm writing because I attempted to explain the unexplainable early this morning on no sleep and feeling as I am TOTALLY DESTROYED and wondering what I did to get here.
I wrote an everlovin' book,that mande NO sense,and am sorry for anyone who opened it in kindness, but noone could read or understand my rambling. Basically,I have so very much happening and so much past junk that I don't know where to start. I fit so many mental health and physical health probs, that I doubt anyone else can sort out my life, if I can't even summarize it.
I'm alone,scared as ever, having severe physical pain,trying to find something to stop hearing the cruel things my own 2 children have recently flung at me for no real reason. They don't think I've tried to go to enough therapy and I'll explain that if anyone wonders. It's alot, and now,my not going for the sake of being there for my family over and again, is a "fault". Not anything appreciated or for me to feel proud of. I'm terrified mostly,because I am very full of Faith In God.So have my kids been. Or so I thought. They aren't really invested as usual, and for them, i am afraid. Lastly,since I was little,I prayed for things that I was most afraid would end up as "my life". The thing is, my fears are honestly,truly and very consistently coming to BE my life! Losing immediate family very young and close together date wise, I have begged NOT to lose my adult loved ones in ANY way.Death,or just their deciding I wasn't worth their time. One did happen and the other IS looking very likely to soon be as I feared. Toooo much more. So,when or if anyone has anything to add or some HELP?!!

[Fresia]

Welcome to PC Enuf4me!

I am SO sorry for the delay in responding to your message; have been 'out of it' preparing for final exams these weeks.

I know things are not easy now but it is important to see someone in times like these. It is important to be able to talk to someone during these times. It may be that your family wanted you to do it, but consider actually doing it for yourself. You deserve to have peace of mind and therapy can help with that. I have had to go therapy almost all of my life, will probably always have to, and am a better functioning person for it. Do what is best for you with therapy and the rest will fall into place.

What struck me is that you said, they see this as a fault. Blame is an easy thing to do and is never one-sided in a relationship. Everyone in any relationship has a hand in it and you are not alone in it; not one person's fault that things happen and also, it's what can we do to mend things and move forward from here. It cannot be one-sided. You do what you can to help yourself, period. Then also, what are they doing to help you and to help themselves do their parts in the relationships?

Please take extra special care of yourself right now and know you are not alone. I am so glad you posted. Hang in there. -Fresia

[Skully]

It's ok, it is expected to happen every now and then from all of us so don't worry.

Where is the physical pain at? Meaning what part of the body is it coming from?