[catlover0323]

I'm 45 years old and have chronic illness that so far is not bad enough for me to quit work or go on disability. It's a long story but my 20 year old daughter is understandably wanting to get on with her life and go to college. It's a fairly recent decision for her to move out of the house and into her own apartment and I understand why she wants to do this. It's only 40 minutes away but she does so much for me around the house and attends doctor appointments with me etc and is a very emotionally supportive person. I don't want to make her feel guilty for taking this healthy and normal step in her life path but I am freaking out. It doesn't help that I am on prednisone and that causes emotional upheaval. I live with my long term boyfriend and depend on him for financial help as we split the bills. He is great for that but sucks when it comes to helping me with my chronic illness. He resents having to do anything to help me. Getting out of this relationship is not an option right now. But how do I prepare myself for not having my daughter to help? She is so helpful with shopping and some of the household chores. Hiring a PCA is not an option. I feel like a baby and will support her decision but I will be crying inside.

[healingme4me]

*Sitting with you*((((CatLover0323))))

Thinking of you

[jaynedough]

I'm sorry you've got so much stress right now. Will your daughter still be able to do some of the things she's always done while you adjust? It's good that you recognize that what she's doing is healthy and normal. I have several health problems and lived with my parents most of my life. After their deaths, I was totally lost. I still struggle. It's not just the bill paying and the lack of security. I'm still trying to figure out how to do things on my own. I know it sounds trite, but just keep hanging in there. It does get easier.

[*Laurie*]

Facing empty nest is hard enough, but facing it when you have a chronic illness is really rough. It seemed like I was pregnant with my children, had such an amazing time with them while they were growing up, then in a flash they were headed off to college. I vividly remember the first time I went grocery shopping as an empty-nester. I stood with my hands on the cart and had absolutely no idea of what to shop for, I was so used to thinking of what my kids wanted to eat, not what I wanted to eat. I completely broke down, sobbing...had to escape to the store bathroom.

And WOW, did I miss the help around the house!

Eight years later I still feel the sting of being an empty-nester - but I never go into how I feel a lot with my kids. After all, I raised them to spread their wings and fly - and they have!

Here's the great thing: If you and your daughter are close now, you will be every bit as close when she moves out. Calls, texts, emails, Facebook, twitter...and she's only 40 mins away...that's wonderful. You'll see each other often.

As for household help, well...yeah. It is harder, especially since your bf isn't much help in that area. All I can suggest is that you make more time for chores, because you will be busier with them. And take it slowly with lots of rest in between tasks.

Best to you~

[Travelinglady]

I'm sure that's hard. My older son is heading back to school, after being back home for awhile. Maybe you can afford some sort of part-time help, perhaps a teenager who needs some spending money? Or an older person? Just for a few hours a day might make it worthwhile.

And, yes, you can still keep in touch with your daughter. Feel proud that you are doing the right thing in allowing her to spread her wings and fly without making her feel guilty.

[Creamsickle]

I don't know what a PCA is? How about a home health aide? I know how bad it feels to have your child live away for college as my son recently went back too. It feels so empty without him. You did the right thing in encouraging her to go. This is an important experience in her life. Maybe your doctor can prescribe home assistance for you? Make some calls to local agencies, social services, your church. There may be some young volunteers in the neighborhood who could help you out once or twice a week. Let us know how you're doing. I'm not here often but I read the threads.