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#1
Jul 14, 2009, 01:40 PM
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Ok this is just a vent and you dont have to reply to it but l have had a really bad session with T. Apparently my alters are upset with me saying l dont listen and promise to do stuff but then cant complete it that same day. what does everyone want from me??? yes l am the host and for some reason everyone including T thinks l should just drop everything when my alters want things right now. so it appears despite trying my hardest to help everyone be heard l am doing it all wrong and now l apparently need to work harder at the communication with the others and when they want stuff l just have to stop and let them have it............
 so confused right now and feeling like all the effort has been for nothing and its all been a complete waste of time.......... l hate it all, l didnt ask for all this crap but l have tried my best but right now stuff it all cus there is no point..........l have so had it.................forget it and let everyone get on with it cus l aint even gonna try no more l worked my butt off for nothing and yet they all hate me and think l am a waste of space...................i'm so sorry we seem to have got it all so so wrong no alters just me writing!!!!!!!! Mandy 
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 "never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
Last edited by January; Jul 14, 2009 at 11:39 PM. |
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#2
Jul 14, 2009, 02:43 PM
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mandy im real sorry you feel so bad but dont stop trying. i dont think you have to drop stuff just cause some one want some thing. mostly you just got to talk and if you cant do some thing you could let some one know why and maybe tell them you could do it another time. its hard makin promises when you got a lot of people wanting stuff from you so just talk about it and do what you could do and if you cant tell them. some time you could get some one else to help keep those promises with you. i hope you could be ok and i could promise you that stuff will get better.
from lenny lee
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"They're jumpy, bumpy, clumpy, thumpy.....Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.....But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is.....I'm the only one...Tigger |
 silentandscared
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#3
Jul 14, 2009, 02:49 PM
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Mandy I see YOU! I hear YOU!
You've worked so hard... and no it's not been a waste of time. I admire your way of getting to know them all and how you listen to them. The fact is... you're only a human being... it must take so much energy to always "have your ears open" to listen and see to all of you - yourself and your alter's needs - at the same time. The alters have a hard time with 'time' I believe... and they want everything to happen NOW... not tomorrow... not the day after... NOW. When you're dealing with a lot of other issues in your life... you just can't pay just as much attention to them all as when your days are more balansed. This is of course something they have a really hard time coming to terms with. Your therapist knows a lot about DID... but she can never walk in your shoes and look into your mind completely knowing what's going on. I'm sure she meant well today but could have thought a bit further before talking. Today you've for example taken photos of Jess's drawings and posted them to her great delight (on another forum). That was sweet of you to do and it shows that you do DO a lot for your alters. I bet they all enjoyed and had a lot of fun having the waterfight when I was at your place.  Maybe you could let them write more or draw... when you can't let them out completely... like when sitting watching TV in the evening. Just an idea... You've planned a party for them in the big room. It's been 3 days since you told them about having a party but you've had no time to have the party because of circumstances you didn't rule over yourself. If you let them all know the party will take place SOON... as soon as possible... they might calm down a bit. Since I'm invited to this party by them... tell them I'm looking forward to it too and that it will be a lot of fun. I'm here to listen to YOU as well as to all the alters. ((((((((( MANDY )))))))))))) (((((((( Jess Donna Liz L11 11 12 Pat Cassie Kim Kay Sarah ))))))))   Susie, I know you don't like hugs but I'm thinking of you./N |
| silentandscared
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#4
Jul 14, 2009, 02:55 PM
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((((((((((((((((( Lenny )))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((( Daynnight )))))))))))))))))))))))) hugs to you both .......................thank you for your replies.......i'm just feeling so blahh!!!!!! and pretty useless right now Mandyxx
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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| Lenny Lee
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#5
Jul 14, 2009, 03:21 PM
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((((((((Mandy))))))))
I'm listening to you...... |
| silentandscared
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#6
Jul 14, 2009, 03:35 PM
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Quote:
((((((((( White Iris )))))))))) thank you so much for listening to me
__________________
"never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.... few things are more humiliating and what a tragedy when they believe you"
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#7
Jul 14, 2009, 06:54 PM
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((((((((((((((((((((((((((mandy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm not sure I have any words of wisdom but I just want u ta know that we love u regardless, an things will get better again...it seems ta go in cycles an u is in a cycle of confusion an misunderstandin...i would go ta ur T an tell her bout how u r feelin an let her try ta understand that it aint always that easy ta stop an let that one that needs somethin get it...please know we is prayin for u an asking God ta help u understand an b able ta treat each with the respect they deserve but they hafta remember too that it isn't always possible ta get what they want right when they want it...it sounds like they need ta have some boundaries put in place that will help u even things out some...boundaries r important ta alla us with our systems as well as other people in RL...we need ta always keep our system safe first of all...an then as time permits allow those inside ta obtain what they need ta survive an grow...i hope you find the balance soon... 
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True love exists when we lose ourselves to invest in the care of others. |
| silentandscared
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#8
Jul 14, 2009, 07:28 PM
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 (((Mandy)))
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It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
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| silentandscared
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#9
Jul 14, 2009, 10:40 PM
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 (((((((((((((((((( mandy )))))))))))))))) (your title says it all....) 
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| silentandscared
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#10
Jul 16, 2009, 04:21 PM
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| silentandscared
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#11
Jul 16, 2009, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
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| silentandscared
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#12
Jul 16, 2009, 04:59 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((mandy))))))))))))))))))))
T has helped me learn to ask the other parts to give me a break...he will sometimes call and leave messages for them and tell them that what they want to say is important and what they need is important, and that I care about them and he cares about them...but that they need to give me space too. I don't have very much internal communication, but T seems to have an open line with everyone. I wonder how it is for you? Is this something T could help you with? It's a lot of work to care for so many needs, and can be overwhelming. YOUR needs are important too. I hope you can find a balance...it seems like it's always a work in progress for me
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| silentandscared
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