So today is better--if numb and shutting things out is better.
Denial is a coping skill, is it not?
Denying that there was ever any abuse at all--it didn't happen to me
but to someone else who has told me their story and I am not involved in
any way.
Is this part of some process????
I'm not freaking out
I'm not sad or hiding or anything like that....
i don't feel anything.
a protective hard shell has seemed to envelope me and honestly
I am more familiar with this place than the other.
More comfortable----???
The pieces are swept under the rug.
HIdden out of sight
Senses are shut down
Know the allergy commercial where it is dull and then she takes this allergy pill and everything gets focused and bright???
well, i'm the before taking the allergy pill.

And I feel I have burdened you all way too much.
And my H who had an exhausting weekend with a zoned out wife and talked to his T this morning.
I'm just too much for everyone right now.
But yet, reminded that I am strong, will get thru this, have tools, too healthy to give up etc etc etc.
so I guess i have to get back to the perceived healthy place and keep going.

thanks everyone so much for being here.
sorry to have taken so much time.

[silentandscared]

((((((((( White Iris ))))))))))

we go to that place often too and sometimes it seems so much easier to stay right there and indeed feel nothing. know that you dont burden us and you are not or never have been too time consuming in any way shape or form. Know that when them feelings come right back at you ( cus experience tells us they will ) we will still be right here standing at your side to help you take the next steps along this such hard apth

much love to you all...... be gentle with you

the silentones

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( white iris ))))))))))))))))

Giving up isn't an option, and other peoples opinions (except for ours of course ) don't have much to do with it. They all see us through their own filter, good, bad, rosey, grey etc... But I do believe you're strong and will get through this crappy stuff. And you're never a burden, thats what this place is for (if anyone thinks otherwise, well...)

I also think that if your T didnt perceive you as "healthy" she would probably deserve to be fired...
(think I will go back to posting just hugs...)

[turquoisesea]

sending hugs... and I don't feel burdened by you at all

[DLHsSystm]

Thank you for sharing where you are right now. It is a very familiar place. It is a place we visit often...unfortunately. I wish you all the best healing and hope you know what you write helps me. It helps validate my feelings and know that someone who is working hard on healing goes through rough patches also. As the saying goes "This to shall pass." And I have found it inevitably does.

Tomorrow afternoon I see my sister..............

Not sure of what will happen.
H is coming with me.
Have a plan.
Some insiders are very Anxious, nervous, scared.
It's fine. We will get thru this.
No big deal!!
See T before we go.
See T on Friday morning
Then T is going on vacation.....and we will be "T-less" for a week.
Brick walls and hard protective shells are made for times like this.

[Fuzzybear]

wish i had a hard shell
(blech at me)

Good luck

[Elysium]

(((((WI)))))

Yeah....the hard shell....the numbness....the pre-allergy fog!! I know all about this state as well.

This is not necessarily the most comfortable place to be, but I have learned, for my system at least, that this is our time out. This is our time to get rejuvenated an move beyond things that have been taxing our minds. True...I'd rather be at Health Spa soaking in a hot tub, but I know this is just another part of my wide array of coping skills that we use to make it through.

I am glad that you are able to identify this period for yourself and process it. You will come out the other side of the fog, it just might take a little time.

I wish you all the best for the visit with your Sister. Remember that we're always here for you!!

Take care!!

[Miracle1986]

(((white iris)))

[multipixie9]

i too know the fog and the numbed out state of being. it is ok for a while to detour there. it is just not good to move in there and stay. we all need a break from intensity or hard processing, but we just need to not get too comfortable there because too long there is not good for our actual recovery.

we all have these same kinds of struggles, be kind to yourself as you would to us and you will move on when you can.

leslie and pixies

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( white iris ))))))))))))))))))