Well I don't know if I belong here because I don't know if I have an actual disorder or not but I did dissociate a lot as a child going through some horrendous abuse( i didn't split though) and now going through therapy, I realize I am doing it just in the last couple of weeks. My T showed me the signs that I do it.

So I was wondering how it feels when this happens to you? I feel my toes getting numb and just the other day my lips get tingly. Does this sound right? I am still present though, I don't lose time, but my body feels weird.

The last time I was majorly triggered was 2 yrs. ago when my old T yelled at me because he was frustrated with me of resisting doing some EMDR work that we planned. I do remember everything about it, but just recently i realized I was seeing this memory from outside of him and I when it was happening. I was in the room, but looking at us from a distance. I just realized this a few weeks ago, and I guess it is hard to accept that I do this. I always pretended nothing bad has happened to me, so accepting that I dissociate, I have to accept that things bad did happen to me.

So it has been really hard. In my session on Tues. i realized that my toes were numb when I went to get up to leave. She sat me down to do some grounding. I felt frusterated that I do this, I wanted to stop it. It makes me feel crazy or something.

My T complimented me for realizing it was happening to me at the time and telling her. But it scares me.

My T is teaching me some grounding exercises.
I just feel so abnormal because I do this.
Do any of you feel this way? Do any of you have the same physical sensations?

[Elysium]

Exotic....

Anyone who has experienced dissociation, whether they have a diagnosis of a disorder or not, is welcome here as far as I'm concerned. Heck....even if your not sure what your experiencing I think it's fine to come on in and ask questions and join in, so welcome!!

I don't recall ever getting tingling hands or lips when I dissociate, but there are times when sometimes I can't feel my hands or my feet. They aren't numb, they're just not there....it feels like empty space and I can stare at them all I want yet I still won't be able to feel them or even feel whatever they may be resting on. This scared me a lot at first, but now I understand more about it so when it happens I don't get to anxious...I just do my grounding skills.

I have memories like you describe, where I remember them as if I am watching myself and what is happening from outside myself too. Kind of like in a movie. When I switch though I can have more of a time loss. I hardly ever lose total track of time though. I switched for a few minutes earlier tonight and was triggered and was bawling for about 10-15 minutes...when I switched out of that I just had this kind of light, airy, surreal feeling and I was like "hey....did that just happen?"

Dissociation can be quite uncomfortable...but it is actually a somewhat normal response to trauma. Everyone dissociates a little, but some people learn how to go deeper when they're younger and there minds tend to use this coping skill as they get older when they are under stress. This doesn't mean you have a dissociative disorder though. Dissociative symptoms are pretty common with disorders like PTSD, Borderline PD, anxiety, and depressive disorders as well.

Your T is right!! It is good that you can acknowledge these perceptions and express them. That's a progressive step towards working things through.

Don't hesitate to hang out or drop in here. We're all here for you....

[possum220]

Dear Exoticflower,

Dissociation comes in many different forms and bodily responses. So try not to compare with others. Just learn what is "normal" for you and just relax the best you can. Often the form of dissociation relates to what was happening at the time of trauma.

And other times it seems to come out of the blue..... We are all unique individuals.

[January]

I experience the tingly sensations. I also see myself looking at things like I'm far away. Don't be afraid of dissociating. It's what your mind does to protect you. Perhaps with therapy and time it will happen less and less. I have found that to be true for me.

I wish you the very best and again, please try not to freak out over this. It's a protection mechanism and it will be ok.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((exoticflower))))))))))))))))))) Welcome to the DD forum! Of course you are welcome. If you are looking for some info on the continuum of DD there is a sticky note at the top of the forum posted by Orange Blossom that is very informative. And don't worry about asking questions. Many time other people have experienced the same thing.

BB

Thanks you all for accepting me!

At least I know my symptoms are normal for dissociation.

Did you always know you do this or did someone have to point out the signs to you. I am 40yr. old and I now just found out that I do this. I feel like I don't even know me anymore. It is scary for me, even admitting this.

[Elysium]

It can be quite scary....

I could often tell that things just didn't feel right when I was younger, but I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know how to really verbally express what I was experiencing. After spending time in T and getting to a point where I felt comfortable saying "T....things just don't feel right and sometimes I just feel crazy, and.....", I learned more about what it is, why it is, and how to describe it when it is happening.

Although some have similar symptoms, everyone perceives and experiences their symptoms differently.

Thanks Elysium,

It is scary to me and when it happened in my session this week and I didn't notice till I went to stand up, I told my T that I feel funny. She was already running late and I felt bad but she went and told her next client she will be just a little longer. Then she tried to help me feel grounded and I was just feeling frustrated by what was happening to me. I guess I thought I could just will it not to be happening to me right then, and of course that didn't work.
It is good I know I do this, but I don't like it at all.
It makes me feel very vulnerable, like I don't have control over myself. That is scary to me because it reminds me of when I was little and I had no control over what my mom did to me.
I know my T says this is good I am recognizing it (it has only been a couple of weeks) but for me it just makes me feel like I don't even know who I am anymore.

[turquoisesea]

hey there, and here

I just wanted to say that just because you discovered something is going on does not make you a different person. It just means you can see what's been going on all along. Maybe you can think of this as a chance to understand yourself a bit better. It sounds like you and your T and doing a good job and making progress, keep it up =D

Hi Turquoisesea,
Thanks for the big welcome!
I never thought about it quite like that! That is a good way to think about discovering this about myself. At least is it is more positive then my original thoughts.

[Eriksplus]

Welcome!
(Kay)Erik

[Hunny]

EXOCTICFLOWER,

Nice to meet you.

Hunny

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( exoticflower )))))))))))))))))