Uncertainty in the timing

I'm new. Unfortunately, I am going through a rough time. My t of 2 years has put me on a vacation for a month. Means no contact with her until our appt in dec. She said that she is unsure if she can continue to treat me. I have BPD, DID and PTSD. I guess my DID is taking over and is not participating in groups and makes it hard for individual therapy. I am having a hard time coping, and am new to DID. All I can seem to do is cry. I feel so damn childish. I feel as though she is punishing me. In my time of need she abandons me. Part of me hates her. Part misses her, Part of me could careless, Part of me just wants to drink and smoke cigarettes, part of me uses DBT skills, part wants to self harm, part wants to see her, seems no one part is in control. I just know that I am suffering. I think of her day and night. I can't sleep.

Was wondering if anyone there has gone through something like this? Please help me.

Just2b, we get what you are saying. You will be okay, the two weeks will go by before you know it!

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Welcome just2b. It is not childish. We understand. Just go to your safe place if you have one. Keep writing us. I will help you. We are here for you.

perhaps you need to allocate just one person
to be out front at all times and just learn some
grounding skills if you p.m thacrew they can
tell you times for this in chat where they help
teach grounding skills

Thought I would check in...Here it is a week and a few days and I still feel as though time is standing still. I wish I could close my eyes and have it be the first of Dec. My mom is here for a visit from Atlanta. I mentioned to her briefly about the situation with my therapist. Once her questions started I told her i could no longer talk about it. I am so depressed. Eating but once a day, not taking my meds, so my depression just could be my fault, and dont care to do much. That is all. thanks for listening!