[WePow]

Just need to vent... Warning - sx abuse trig

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Yesterday was so rough for me. Was triggered by another phone problem. Did trauma work with my angry alter Mick about why she does not want me to work with telephone repair. I have a great job for over 10 yrs now working as helpdesk support for computers. But she HATES me working where I do because last year we took on voice service support. And THAT has almost cost me my job from walking out or ending it for myself literally or just being fired from anger outbursts. We are with a T trying to get it all worked through, but this is very difficult.

Yesterday Mick slipped because she was in flight mode and was not going to tell me what was wrong or why she hates fixing phones. I got her to tell me it was not talking on the phone, but actually fixing a phone. My dad was an electrician and he always had us helping him with stuff. Long story short, someone who was elderly at church we think needed her phone fixed and my dad and I went to do it. He had me making a map of the room locations but we did not know why. This was when we were 11-12 yrs old - during the 2 missing years of my life (almost no memory at all).

The lady had a girl my age living with her and I think it was her granddaughter. Anyway, I struck up a friendship with her and she ended up sleeping over. She said certain things one night about my dad enjoying touching her certain place and why - pre puberty. The flashback last night was intense and full memory of me sleeping on the floor because I would not do things to her she said my dad did. And I was crying my heart out. The next morning I told my mom and was mad because I thought the girl was lying about my dad. There was a ton of yelling and my dad said he caught the girl stealing his pain meds and she was lying trying to protect herself. I never saw her again and think she left her grandma's after that.

I think Mick blames herself for what happened to that girl. Now that we are adults, and my father has served jail time for child molestation, well I do think the girl was telling the truth. And Mick is triggered by phone repair because we think it will cause someone to be hurt and it will be our fault if we help out. That is how it works with alters and past trauma.

Anyway, this is an intense memory to have brought forward. But yet one more breakthrough that was very much needed. Another hill climbed!

[writingwithink]

Sorry to hear about your trigger. Hope you can find peace in the accomplishment of another "hill climbed."

[Realities]

Ah, new memories and intense flashbacks are so bad. I get that a lot, too.
I don't have much communication going on with my parts yet, but I know there's at least one of them in there, who feels very responsible for what happened to other people, who keeps thinking, "if only I would have told".

I am glad that this was a very much needed breakthrough for you. That's such a positive way of looking at it!

Take care now.
-Realities