we listened, heard, internally discussed and responded

A man, about my age, had been in the coffee bistro I just left and noticed my little bear (key) stuffie hanging out of my purse as I was walking along. It is about 3 inches and a fluffly beige colour. He said: "I like your little bear".

I was kind of surprised and laughed nervously. First, that he spoke to me, then that he spoke about my stuffie. I'd just been to one of those more formal churches so I was dressed up, not in my jeans and stuff. I probably looked my age.

We walked the same direction and he continued to say jokey things about the bear. I wished he would just drop it but I chuckled and listened to his kibitzing, thinking how do I respond? The bear does represent my being a grandma but it also for all my little insiders.

I said to him, eventually (sort of over my shoulder): "I am a grandma so that's why I have it."

Well, anyway, he then said: "You don't look like a grandma".

So, what I am getting at is this, it took some quick inside thinking, scramble of parts claiming the stuffie and then translating the process to an adult part and then responding.

This time my response was there! I was quicker than usual! Perhaps because at last appointment Wish worked through some very deep issues and spoke up for our wee non-verbal Chicklet. In the session she had said we will talk, we will use our words and we will say ‘stuff that we need to say’. In the therapy session, the stuff we said was all mumbo jumbo like how Chicklet would talk, only Wish had said it and said it louder and stronger and we were standing up at the time as we had all felt stuck!

We think it was Wish’s work with Chicklet and the others that allowed us to speak at all and even more quickly with this stranger. We have always had a problem with our verbal talking, not being able to get words out, having them be jumbled (like several talking at once). When it is clear speech it may be inappropriate subject matter, or it may just be like we are ignoring the person because no-one has a clue what response is appropriate.

Sorting through all this feels like untangling thread. But, it was like this time we responded appropriately to an adult and quickly and with a bit of humor. It felt good. I had listened to his words, gone inside and addressed our needs, safety, whose stuffie it is that he might be talking to/referring to, and figured out who could speak to him, what to say and then said it!

I thanked him and said: “Have a good afternoon” and went into the store.

I know this may not be big for some people but it is huge for us, and if it doesn’t make sense that is okay too, I just needed to say.

This happens at my aacoa group too, as Wish is there trying to learn what the heck is the ‘right thing’ to say and then do. Hope to have some more success stories.

(((Hunny and all)))

(((((( Hunny and all ))))))

Thats great (((Hunny and all))) Bet you felt good about the response.

{hugs} I understand how important and big this is to you! I rarely talk irl because when we do say anything we get yelled at for being mean and nasty even though that's never been my intent at least. Just things come out very wrong lol. {huggles happily}

How wonderful!! What an accomplishment!

(((((Hunny and all))))))))l

WOW!!!! Hunny! That is just awesome!!!!! Big time great!!!!!

Thanks a trillion for sharing with us!!!!

That's fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I understand....we have the same problem talking out loud sometimes. Actually often. Too many trying to talk at the same time