Trig alert - horrible day today

Had such a horrible day today. I love my family so much, and it hurts so deeply that I hurt them. My 3 yo, in the throws of 'tantrum' (has 2hr fits of complete distress and breakdown without known cause), was screaming for mummy, mummy, mummy. I felt and heard the words 'I'm right here, right in front of you' be yelled at him. And he said no, no, no, I want my mummy. I was so far away from him, so far away, I could hear him but I couldn't feel him, I couldn't help him, couldn't soothe him and help him collect himself back together. My darling, I am so so so sorry. Mummy is here darling. I love you my precious, my world. Go nigh-nighs now, and mummy will be here in the morning...please God.

Do you have a therapits KrazyPhoenix? Just wondering if this is a stressful time and might need a little extra something? In the meantime safe hugs for you all
.

Yeah, all good today. Have 2 T's, I guess I'm in a kind of intensive care program thingy but at home w my fam. All good now, sorry for puttn that in words yest. Don't normally. Guess I'm comn into an acceptance phase or somthn. Got the whole co-con thing goin on, but apparently only aware of some. Yeah, yeah, woteva. All I know is its kinda double-edge sword. Like its almost a relief to get some space, but cactus to know why I don't always have space. Feels bit like runaway train at the moment, lots of changes hapnen faster and faster. Have to concentrate on who's out front. Weird. Anyway, thanx for listenin and replyn.
TC,
kp

Krazy_phoenix,

Thank you for saying everything for putting into words! Acceptance is so...well you said it. Things be kind of secured away so when released out there seems to be space to fill up. How wonderful to have your family and to be able to raise up your little one. Praying for you to fill those spaces in your mind with all good things for yourself and the family. We believe for you!

Please share with us we are learning to when others share here we be going through dance of fire too. That is when other parts share and join together so please no feel silly or scared this be the only place we know of where we can share and find we not alone no more.

Hello lovely people, thank you so much for your support, it really does mean a lot to me. New years' day wasn't great, but we made it through, through another day. I have two beautiful littlies and a third on the way. Its certainly not easy being pregnant as sometimes my beautiful bundle is forgotten about until it is knocked or clothes don't fit or a tiny foot finds my bladder/tampoline! I have great guilt that I am not connected 100% of the time to the new force growing inside. I have great guilt that I'm not connected to anything 100% of the time.
I have come to understand only this about DID - in an analogy, it is a book full of irony. Each page pretending to be its own story when without the other pages the story wouldn't make sense; each page starting and finishing mid-sentence, without all the information of what the full story is really about; and none of the pages come away from the spine, all stuck together by the glue in the middle so that when one page is moved to another room, all the pages are. Each page fighting for the readers full attention, but the book needs to be read as a whole to be properly understood. And when one page gets thrown across the room, we are all thrown together. I don't think I'll ever make sense of it. I just hope my family can hang on while I try.
Hope you all had a wonderful, safe and happy christmas and new year break...
Yours,
kp

Ours is a hive, KP, a place to work together, a place to go from to and a place to hide. It came to us very young and is good even for today. The book analagy is remarkable, so compact, at times but probably does not feels so much that way. You're building life within and finding yourself at same time. Good work and thank you for sharing your story. Praying for you and family...it's going to be okay.