[dreamsoflivin]

I am not even sure where to start, I read the boards and see the reflection of my life, yet I still dont understand , nor can I put it into words, lost, alone, in a fog, can I make it through this day,

Who am I what I am where did I go, where am I going, There is no hope, no goals, no future, I know the longer I sit here nothing is going to change, yet I never change,

Was it my child hood, was it my young married life becomeing a mom at 17, was it 17 yrs of living with an alcoholic, trying to be the best mom i knew how, a wife, trying to run a business, was it all the stress moving 12 times in 2 yrs and losing and widdling away everything that was real. Now I sit, not knowing where I go from here, where I want to go or if i even want to.

I know I am tired, tired of not laughing, smiling, feeling good, where did happy go, and why was it replaced with all the depression, the withdrawing from society,

I started therpy again, its not going well, im dignosed now with BPD . I have started cymbalta , taking risperdal, hydrozene....I am going to try ending the risperdal, sometimes I feel to zoned out, well see how it goes. dunno anymore.

[misty]

I am sorry is BPD Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? Begining to see no matter what the dx whoever comes here seems to fit in so I say welcome! So many rules of what we are supposed to be like out there isn't there?
lrks

[dreamsoflivin]

Yes borderline personality disorder. I really dont know, what or who i am just I dont like what or who I am or have become. And the sad part is changing, there has to be change. I have changed so much so fast that I lost something along the way and cant seem to find it again. Dont know if that makes any sense.

[misty]

Yes it makes much sence. Changing is necessary that is how we have many. Borderline I do not know if that is really that much differant then DID or not just seems by what you say you are not all that different. Glad you are here. We are who we are no one can dispute that even though they may try.

[(JD)]

Welcome to psychcentral dreams. What you will find out is that, yes, you can and will change by sitting there and reading and posting here at psychcentral! You will be able to find everything when time is right, even if it's lost right now, imo. Glad to hear you're in therapy. Take it slow, as you listed, there are so many things to know!