[fadedspirit]

We are finding ourselves in a place we don't understand. Perhaps we never will, but still we push on in our inqueries.

Maybe it's a symptom of our disassociation, maybe it's something else altogether that we are not understanding. At any rate, those around us
don't understand and often feel like they are our problem, which isn't the case. Therefore, out of our care for them, we make excuses or give them an answer in which they can accept, to make them understand or feel better.

There is a void of nothing inside us, best as we can describe. We know that others can feel our care and love, but we cannot feel anything in return. Though our outward emotion shows that we do feel these things,
inside we live that lie of our outward emotion. When we are alone, it comes to haunt us. We do know it's there because we made this void to protect us from others, the dark ones in our life. It served to shield us from ourself many times, when we needed it. So why now? Why do we speak about it now? It's because that we feel it's time for us to deal with this problem. We've only begun to read about it and study it. We know why it's there and for what purpose it was originally used, but now is the time we need to deal with it to further our healing process. It's now that we realize how much we have hurt ourself by this void's construction. We hope that maybe someone else may have insight or share what we're dealing with at the moment. Then again, sometimes we believe that maybe it can't be closed or healed. We've spent so much time caring for the needs of others, that we forgot to care about ourself. Maybe it's all just in our head, but we don't know. It's very real and an obstacle to our healing in the present. Thanks for reading.

[pegasus]

((((((( fadedspirit ))))))))

That is a part of you, it's a part of me , it's a part of all of us that was created to not feel the pain and hurt. The fact that you know it is there, are aware of it means you can start to accept that part. You have already started to do this by acknowledging that it was created at a time when it was really needed. It's not needed so much now? It'll come, other feelings will come through with reassurance from you that you are safe now. Takes time but worth discussing with T and we are here listening also.

[fadedspirit]

Thanks ((((pegasus)))). Thanks for your advice.

Like any crutch that been used for too long, it begins to become a self inflicted handicap, though others may or may not see it that way. It just bothers us that it automatically happens now, not something we intended. Thanks again.