we just got back from T. T called Vicki out and let her talk. She reveled things about sexual abuse by my mother's brother-in-law in great detail. He was my favorite uncle and I loved him dearly.

I knew about the abuse but thought it was a one time, at the most 2 encounters and not as long a time (14-18-clear up to the day of my wedding) or as mean as it was. I never knew how close i came to being raped twice. i guess only by the grace of God were his actions interupted just before the actual act.. My parents didn't believe me and so didn't protect me from him when ever he was around. I never knew that. It makes sense now why he was not dealt with by any of the adults.

It makes sense why she is in so much pain. she has given me some of that and I remember details that are just hitting me like someone punched me in the stomach and then kicked me some more. I am not sure how to deal with this. I never dealt with this stuff. Vicki always did. I'm actually pretty numb and feel like i am a participant in an interactive movie. perhaps it is shock?? i don't know but i feel ugly and dirty and sick to my stomache.

We discovered Rock is a good thing for now. He is holding Vicki and only letting her out if someone on the outside calls her to come out and if it is safe. T suggested that she promise Rock that she won't do anything to harm herself or the rest of us. She said she would be lying. She doesn't accept that she is not alone. When T told her that she has been protecting us for a long time and if she hurts self, she will hurt all, she said that she will take deedee and the Little One with her to get away and be alone.

We have appt. on Monday. But for now, Vicki is in and we are safe. It is going to be a long long summer
w_i

[kimmydawn]

i'm so glad that t is creating a dialogue with vicki. yes, it will be a long summer, but will hopefully pave the way to many easy summers.

keep up the good work. you're beign very brave.

i don't feel very brave--in fact, i want to quit now. i'm not at all sure what other secrets vicki has been hiding. and i'm not sure i want to know. this is hard enough to swallow and accept. i'm sure my t will take it easy and not throw me too many loops, my H will be out of town all next week. i'll be alone, and that will be tough. i'm sure we'll get through. i may be posting more--just hope i don't bore anyone...
w_i

[kimmydawn]

white iris. i'm going thru the same thing right now. i'm being given alot of information. i thought i was going to be able to stand it for a while. thank goodness, i've been given a break.

remember hon. y'all have already gone thru it. it's just now dealing with it. i'm trying to remember the same. it's so hard.

kd

(((((((((kd)))))))))))
was just reading your posts on other topic. it is yucky to be experiencing this stuff after nearly 40 yrs. the intense feelings are under the surface and memories are being swirled around like in a tornado. they pop in and out and get closer and then go back. i would like someone else on the inside to take it all away again, but i think it's mine this time. s**t, i hate this...
w_i