[Lillyleaf]

I want to be me. I am tierd of not being in control. I want to be awake. I am tierd of my friends getting mad because they dont know why I am acting diffrently. I am tierd fo it. I dont want to seem so unstable any more. how do I keep going. how how how! I want to be me not lavender not lilac not anyone but me.

Lilly

[anderson]

we sit together under the dream tree. we be safe wif stuffies and only tree sprits to play near us. is that okay with you and the others??????

[justdontknow]

(((((Lilly)))))

I feel your pain. I am listening and I hear you. Many times I have thought the same thing. How do you keep going? Take it one step at a time. I used to have to go from minute to minute (literally) just to make it through the day. I had to physically sit and watch the clock for a minute to go by and when it did, I could breathe a little easier because I made it. Pretty soon I could do things during that minute and I still got through it, me, not anyone else. I had to start really small, but I had everyone backing me up. They just need to know that you are trying your best and you need their support from a distance and that you need to be the one who is out so you can grow stronger. It will probably be painful at first and you might want to give up, but keep going. YOU CAN DO IT! Take it one minute at a time if you have to. There is nothing wrong with that. This is how you take your life back. The others were there for you when you needed them most, let them know that now you are trying on your own. Be careful. Some might feel like you don't appreciate them and they might get hurt, but reassure them you still need them in a more subtle way than before. You can do it Lilly! I have faith in you. Normally I don't like to give others so much advice. Usually I just like to give support, but for you I think this might help and so I hope you don't mind that I told you all of this. Remember you don't have to do it if you don't feel it is right for you. Sending lots of safe hugs from the hotel and warm fuzzies. Krista said, "Hug hug hug Lilly and 1 hug for Meek too." Everyone here cares about you so much. Take good care of yourself. You will get through this.

Always,

Cris

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Lillyleaf))))

Breath and know that you are you----the totality of you. Right now it is okay to be where you are and to feel all these things you feel. I know how it feels and how the switching feels out of control and the feelings of not being one is. But you are doing just what you need to do. Thank you for reaching out. Hold on and know that you are not alone. That we care and we are here for you always.

It will not always be this way, for in time things will change. But for now we accept you for you, for all of you. There is nothing wrong with you as you are. I know it is hard and sometimes we just want everything to stop. We are sitting quietly here with you reaching out our hand.........
............................take it as you can. You are not alone, and we are hearing you. Thank you for posting and for reaching out.

Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[Hippie]

(((Lilly))), I hear your struggle. It's hard, it's difficult and yet you sound very determined. Know that you have our support and wishes that you cn feel better soon.