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#1
May 11, 2010, 04:23 AM
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sorry to post again..
i was just thinking heaps of about the diagnoses i have.. and could it be that some of my diagnoses are actually meant for some of the others... i mean i own the BPD and DID..i know they are my diagnoses.. but PTSD?..i know kinda the events..like the fire..oh god the fire..i can see it happening..and the abuse..how i know it happened..but i dont know details..i dont feel anything towards it..i dont know how many times over what dates or exact details.. thats all stitch..he knows it..he wants to share it..but my therapist doesnt think im ready.. so wouldnt he have the PTSD..if he's the one with the memories and bad feelings towards them.. and what about substance abuse.. i cant stand the taste of alcohol..or the feeling of alcohol/drugs in my system..i get scared about overdoses and tell someone when i realised he's taken one..thats all on nombre..not me..so does that mean he gets the diagnoses of substance abuse.. anorexia/bulimia/binge eating..again not me..thats 2.4..so young..so scared..thats HER..not me..cants she have that diagnosis?.. maybe im just faking..maybe all this isnt real..does anyone ever feel like that?..maybe nothing is wrong with me/us/we/whoever..omg..my head feels like exploding..i cant think..i cant feel..i cant do anything.... i cant even afford to see my therapist right now so im just going at this alone.. is it ok to post here?..like really ok..i feel like im wasting space.. omg..i am wasting space..and im ranting now..omg i suck.. im so so sorry.. so sorry. bye..
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today you are you..
that is truer then true.. there is no one alive.. that is youer then you. it's like im lost.. it's like im giving up slowly.. it's like you're a ghost that's haunting me.. leave me alone.. and i know these voices in my head.. are mine alone.. and i know i'll never change my ways.. if i dont give you up now. .i'm hooked on you.. i need a fix.. i cant take it.. just one more hit.. i promise i can deal with it.. i'll handle it.. quit it.. just one more time.. then thats it.. just a little bit more to get me through this.. |
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#2
May 11, 2010, 10:48 AM
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((gemini.baby)) if ok...
i am glad you are posting here. thank you for sharing. it's ok. i am sad to hear that you are struggling. i can't even imagine how hard it would be to deal with the feelings you have. i believe you are strong, and you are a survivor. i believe you have the power to heal, and things will get better. i think it's ok for each of you to have your own struggles, your own diagnoses. i think it's important to think about those things, and thanks again for sharing your thoughts. explore who you are and let each part of you do that. you all have had different experiences. all those experiences are very real. it is ok to feel, even though they are not always good feelings. i hope that as you all move through the hardest part of your healing, you will be able to share more with each other. and maybe you aren't ready to hear from stitch just yet (it's up to you to make that call i think, but your T may have helpful ideas or suggestions). it's ok. take your time, and take care of yourself as best you can. listen. journal. draw. do anything to help you express yourself somehow and see if it helps. those things can really help me even when i think the only thing that will help is hurting myself. you are so very important. you are good as you are. healing happens in time. please stay strong and hang in there even when you are struggling.  
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 anderson
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#3
May 11, 2010, 11:33 AM
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((gemini.baby))
When we first got to know one another it was easier for us to assign issues to the alter that was present when these conditions became an issue to the present time of the body. In a way we all share those issues but when alters are not sharing or aware of each other that is their coping mecanisism for dealing with the truama that alter has endured for the group. You are not that different from the rest of us. You are made the way you are to survive what you had to endure. We are sitting with you and listening to you. WE have our down time to when we feel lost and confused. Until you feel stronger we send soft tissues and stuffie with a warm soft blanket to hide under with. From all within me to all within you. 
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Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson .gif "Boy Angel")
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#4
May 11, 2010, 12:40 PM
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Quote:
I used to question my diagnosis's but then my therapist and I sat down and talked about it. she said ok if you dont have PTSD then what makes you switch into your alters, what are your triggers. I told her sometimes I get scared. she said and what is getting scared what feelings or emotions are attached to that. I said nervous anxious that Im going to get hurt again. then she pulled out her DSM books and looked up PTSD right there it said anxiety was one of the PTSD symptoms. then she asked me do you have nightmares? I said yes she pointed to the word nightmares. She asked me do you have times when you are sad? and I said yes she pointed to the word depression. Then she asked me if I dissociate or have times when I have lack of affect (lack of feeling emotions and physical sensations) I said yes and she pointed to the words lack of affect, dissociation, avoiding thinking about the traumatic event. then she said those are why I was diagnosed the way I was, sure my alters probably have their own PTSD symptoms but where trauma and DID was concerned PTSD is just part of the whole bag of problems, I dont have to agree that I have those things, denial is part of any mental illness including PTSD. then she told me the actual diagnosis's dont define who I am it just puts a name to the group of symptoms and problems that I have with dealing with every day life. you the host was diagnosed with PTSd for a reason, contact the people that diagnosed you and they can look in your files and tell you how and why they diagnosed you the way they did. if you dont agree with the diagnosis you can always ask to be re evaluated and retested to find out what your present diagnosis's are. By the way if you are in america and if you cant afford medical insurance you can go to your social services/welfare office and sign up and receive your state medical and mental health insurance. there is now a law that says no one gets denied and by the year 2014 all Americans must have either private insurance plan or their state medical/mental health insurance plan.
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#5
May 11, 2010, 12:49 PM
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Quote:
http://www.sane.org/helpline/helpline.html |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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