we dont know how to cry and we wonder how do the rest of those here do it? we are beyond terrified because we know we will be punished for breaking the rules but sometimes the littles ask to cry and we tell them no for fear they will be hurt again
maybe this sounds stupid or ignorant but its real to us
sometimes we feel such pain and tight in our chest and throat like something needs to come out but it never does happen
we have felt wet in our eyes before but it goes away fast,really fast
so can you tell us how you cry?

[beyond_blue]

I'm not sure I do anything...it just happens on it's own.

It kind of sounds like your body is trying to make tears to cry, but you mind is afraid to allow it. I'm wondering if you give permission to yourself to cry if that might help.

Are you able to write about who's rules you will be breaking? Why will you be punished?

Crying can be very soothing - a safe, natural way to let out pain.

My little says the only really bad thing about crying is it makes your nose stuffy and then it's hard to breathe when you suck your thumb!!!

youre not scared of doing it?

[Hunny]

Sometimes kids are confused and afraid of being punished and they won't cry so it is important to let her/him know she won't be hurt.

I think there is a difference between discipline and punishment. Sometimes the thing that happened to the child when they were little was they got punished to keep control of them. Usually little children don't need punishment, they just need direction and maybe a time out which I think is caring discipline.

Probably she thinks she did something wrong or if she will do something wrong by crying. She doesn't know the difference maybe. It is like somehow inside the children need to feel safe to cry.

Sometimes we cry on the inside and just need comfort and sometimes my littles need to cry on the outside too. Most of the time there is a reason for feeling of wanting to cry but at first it might not be clear. So I hug her and tell her it is okay. I sometimes say gently: shhh shhh shhh.

Today my littles were crying a lot inside and I wasn't really sure why so we did a few fun things for kids and then we let them talk here. Um, so far their crying hasn't come back but if it did I might have to ask again and maybe let the tears come on the outside too. We had a happy day, all of us together again.


Something made her very sad and my counsellor might need to help me figure out why. I am lucky because my counsellor gets me to do release points so my throat gets released and she gets me to do chest releases. I learned how to do them for myself. Sometimes it is better when she helps me do this and I like her.

I like what BB said too.

our littles are wearing this funny hat for you.

[beyond_blue]

No, I'm not scared of crying. But a lot of the time I'm scared of the reason I'm crying. Sometimes I know the reason, and sometimes I just feel sad.

But you know, it's okay if you don't/can't cry tears that fall from your eyes. We all show our pain and grieve in different ways.

Maybe you can get some crayons for your littles and let them draw pictures of tears or of what they feel like. Last week my little was sad and scribbled on a piece of paper with black, blue, purple and brown crayons...mostly black. Another of my littles doesn't like seeing the ugly sadness and put pretty stickers on the page to divert attention away from the sadness, which kind of annoyed the first little but mostly because they were the first little's stickers!

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((trinity))))

For a long long time it was not okay for anyone here to cry either. For so long it would only get us in trouble and we learned not to cry. Some of those within would pull the emotions and tears away before they could reach us. Many times tears were wiped away so they would not fall. It has taken many years for those within to be able to cry and still some cannot for they are still carrying that fear.

In time when you feel safe and are able to give yourself permission the tears will fall. They are normal and something people do. Give yourselves time and permission to cry. Before we knew it was okay we cried within always but never without. Now many can cry without as they feel safe and have learned that it is okay. Some are still not sure but are trying to understand. In time you will be able to cry too. Know that you are not alone and we do understand.

Please keep posting and reaching out as you can. We are here and care. Hugs.

Victoria of dps

[michelle421]

there have been times where i felt that i could not cry. sometimes i really want to even, but it just doesnt happen. other times i have just been upset about crying and i don't want to do it, so i try my best to stop it from happening. crying is really annoying sometimes. i dont like the way i feel physically from it, but emotionally i often feel at least a little bit better. it can be cleansing. i have tried to work on allowing myself to cry... many times i am the one holding myself back. it's important to find a safe place to be when you are crying. it can feel very vulnerable. do you have any stuffed animals that are good to cuddle with? they are often very nice and can even help wipe away tears when things get wet.

if you are feeling the tightness in your chest and maybe feeling tears somewhere inside, i would encourage you to find a safe place and let the feelings pass through you. let go of some tension you hold to keep it inside and don't forget to breathe. if you do cry... it will be ok. and it will pass, and you will feel different afterward (hopefully a little better). it's ok if crying doesn't come to you... but i do hope that you can keep trying to work on it. i have done a lot of work over the years... sometimes my progress is slow, or i fall back (to some other coping method when tears won't come and i need release). it will be ok, i believe in you. (((trinity))) sending support your way and hugs for all within

[anderson]

((((Trinity)))))
When we first realised that parts where afriad of crying because we were hurt for doing it. We got a stuff or large pillow and started hitting it. we had that alter hit the item then tell the pillow that it could not hurt us no more. Sometimes it took us getting angry at the abuse to allow the tears to flow. Tears are not bad and if you can prove to those within that they will not be hurt for crying.
Safe cyber hugs from all of us!

thanks so much everyone for your replies they are very helpful we know some of the ones who punish for even thinking about crying but they are hidden away and only communicate by inflicting physical pain so we do not anymore but maybe we can give the little ones permission to go to a safe room and lock the door when they feel the need to-do you think thats a good idea maybe? its so complicated for us and we dont want to bore anyone with our silly stuff

[beyond_blue]

You aren't boring anyone and it isn't silly stuff. It's very important stuff! I think allowing the littles to go into a safe place to cry is a wonderful idea. Maybe you can make it a very special place with lots of stuffed animals and blankies for comfort. You can make a magic key that is only visible to littles, and they can use that key to lock the door behind them. No mean ones will ever be able to find the key because they won't be able to see it! Littles can be safe and can cry and can snuggle with stuffies and cover their heads and wipe their eyes with soft blankies. Once they grow tired from crying, they drift safely into a peaceful restful sleep - safe.

[Miracle1986]

(((Trinity)))
maybe you can let the littles cry on the inside so no one can see... that way they won't have to worry about being punished for it.

[whimsical]

Hi Trinity,
I have a lot of trouble letting tears come out. They come right to my eyes, then someone pushes them back in and nothing happens. The last time I saw my T, she had me pick a spot on the wall behind her. I looked at that spot while she spoke about the little kid who was hurt. At first I felt mad, then some tears came out! I was surprised. They tasted like salty water! Only a few came out, then I got scared and they went away. My T said I did really good and "stayed with the feeling" whatever that meant. After I left I noticed that I was not having asthma. Hummm... Anyway, I don't know if that is what you're talking about or not. I hope you can cry too, but only if you want to.
Whimsical