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#1
Aug 09, 2010, 08:46 AM
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It is just another day at paradise. Yesterday it was the same game plan that has worked for the last three years for the people in our life that have given me some hope that We would not have to spend the rest of our lives in abuse.
It is weird to be grateful for less abuse even for a small place within the rock that gives shelter from the storm that is going on around you. ~ The Dalmatians found out that for a time that we can have safety and then they will give us peace for they know that we for a time we not be hurt to bad. It sucks to know that there are people that will give you shelter until the crisis is over but then look at you and tell you that you got to go that because of who you are you can not be in our daily lifes but We will be here until we know that you will not hurt your self. That is what got us through these last three years of abuse that we could get shelter when we felt like we could take no more then get reminded that what we do is what keeps our son safe. ~ The only thing is that we no longer have to do it this way we had to because no one would accept that we had a common memoir or that we did get off from sever abuse. Either way it just meant that we would try to leave be hurt either by the good guys which meant that we would think that they had heard us and that they would give us safety to heal for good but instead be sent back out to the others to be hurt by the dark souls that got off from hurting us to the point that we would not remember the abuse until we felt safe again. ~ Yes there is comfort in knowing that our son will never have to endure that which made us the way we are. But now we wonder what will happen next for us. We really no longer have to play this game of false hope then abandonment by those that we thought understood us. But they have some of our alters so hooked on the fact that compared to the others we are soooo much safer. ~ For a night we got to sleep on the living room floor. It gave those within a chance to know that our son would not be hurt and that for this one night that the dark souls would not hurt us. But we are going back to our tree house. We are safe there but we are by our selfs again. So again because we are different we are made to be alone to keep from being hurt because no one want to deal with that which is different yet not allow the alters that they have given comfort to the ability to leave. ~ We saw some of the other men that gave us safety for short periods of time in the past yesterday but inside we felt only saddness for they choice to believe that we did not have a memoir or that we even had alters enjoy abuse. Only one gave our son shelter but even he would not accept us for who we are. And yes yet again he to could not help us find true safety for it was to his advantage as well to believe the stories that where being said about us. ~ Today we know that we will not be hurt by those near us but like before because no one choices to believe that we do not want the abuse we will be left open again. Maybe not so badly because we have Willow Warrior given us the means to a safe place but even he can only provide for so long. To finely accept that which we can not control. ~ That we have no control over our ability not to switch under server abuse. That others up to a point will be willing to use this switch of ours for there own needs. …. Willow asked us how we did boot camp yet cannot get back together just to go to work…. The truth is that we had help to get together. My foster family helped us to find safety within and then we did have a few good friends. These last up to 20 years. We endured server reprogramming form our bio-family and their so called friends. Then when we made a run for safety the TGC made the stand that we did not know what we were talking about and left us open for more abuse. The truth was what happen to us this last few years was nothing compared to what happen to us before our son was born and first few years. I think our soul had already accepted that we would never be more then what our bio-family wanted us to be. The sad part that their had been times when we did have hope to a better future. ~ The past events had already taken its toll on what our future would be now to find a way that we can at least have it with less abuse and pain of letting go of a better future. We have finely accepted that we can not be what we have been before all of the abuse that we had endured to keep our son safe. Now to find a way just to be and to accept what we are allowed to be with less abuse of those around us.
__________________
Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson .gif "Boy Angel")
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#2
Aug 09, 2010, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
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You are so deserving of such and loving.regards fins
__________________
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson |
 anderson
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#3
Aug 09, 2010, 11:35 AM
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I wanted you to know I am listening. I do not know what to say but I am listening. You are not alone.
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| anderson
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