I drove off the side of the road today on the way to the dentist. I'm okay, no bumps, bruises or dings on the car. Tires are fine. I wasn't going fast, I was just going. I saw myself doing it yet was too robotic and "far away" to react in time.

I have chronic depersonalization disorder that shows up when I am highly stressed. It's a very scary feeling, as if you are sitting in the back seat of the car watching yourself drive. Sometimes it manifests itself in distorted body images like my hands will become huge and there is no convincing me that they aren't. I am always amazed that the other person can't see how one ankle is three times the size of the other one. Or sometimes the outside world doesn't seem real, and there is a film of Saran Wrap between me and reality. But mostly it's me who feels made of plastic.

Anyone else have this?

Petunia

[Gemstone]

{{{{{Petunia}}}}

I'm glad you didn't get hurt.

[CedarS]

*raises hand* I do.

Mine has always been tucked under the umbrella of PTSD, diagnostic wise and in therapy, I only recently started reading up and paying attention to the specific set of symptoms in this disorder.

Can feel extremely uncomfortable and scary.

Last bout of derealization seemed to be triggered by med changes, the seemingly simple act of moving my frig from one part of kitchen to another set off a few painful days of feeling unreal, out of place.

I experience falling out of my left side, a feeling as if I am falling when I am not, could be that I am partially splitting off.

Other symptoms too.

Sarah

It is very scary.

I'm sorry you have it too.

I've just been so out of it.

So completely distant from myself, like I am the shadow.

Unplugged, insane and so scared.

Petunia

[CedarS]

Time to strap on our lifejackets and take good care of ourselves, we can have a whole flotilla that doesn't sink and instead keeps us afloat.

So far, it seems like if I stay the course, get help if needed, take good care of myself, when stressed out keep things simple, I come through it.

Sarah

[silver_queen]

I do sometimes depersonalize, I get this feeling like I am not real and nothing else is real. It's like seeing everything through a fog. I don't feel in full control of my actions, like when I walk it is like somebody else is walking, not me. It doesn't feel when I do stuff that I am actually doing them, and my memory gets very bad - I can't remember doing things though I know I have.

I too tend to get it when very stressed. The longest time I had it was a week. It was very annoying.

Like when I walk it is like somebody else is walking, not me.

((((( silver )))))

Yes, exactly. I feel like I am the shadow behind...

Petunia

[dragonskin]

I've felt like that a lot, for as long as I can remember... I remember getting weird looks in elementary school for being so enthralled with the size and shape of my hands, or for not responding the right way to laughter or tears or crying. I didn't know that was something that happened to other people or that it was something that maybe i should talk to my doctor about or something. It is very scary.

[wisewoman]

Hey Petunia, I have similar issues and it gets a little scarey. I hope you are doing well tonight.

[dottie]

I second that. Glad you were not hurt.

I have had to pull over and off the road because of panic disorder. Not a fun experience. It sticks to you like glue. And you wonder "am I the only one"?

When my husband had his brain tumor...he would beat me severely. I remember my spirit leaving my body..each time..

But I was told that this was Disassociation.

It would take too long to tell what all I have been through. And I have pretty much dealt with it. I still can get triggered tho. It sounds so similar to how I have felt in my life.

Does this happen often with you Petunia?

~Dottie

Petunia--glad you didn't get hurt!! That's scary!
I don't know what you go thru, but it's scary
Vicki

Dottie,

You wrote,

"When my husband had his brain tumor...he would beat me severely. I remember my spirit leaving my body..each time.."

That is what happened to my Dad. He had cancer of the spine which traveled to his brain. Back in 1967 they thought it was slipped discs. I watched him turn into a monster. It was very confusing to me all those years after his death trying to remember the good dad, so I forgot him instead. Hard for a child to understand all that.

You also said,

"But I was told that this was Disassociation."

That's right. It is.

There are many different disorders that fall under the Dissociation umbrella, and many degrees of dissociation.

Sometimes people think dissociation just means DID {dissociative identity disorder} but that is not the only dissociation disorder there is.

Dissociative amnesia, dissociative fugue, dissociative identity disorder, dissociative disorders not otherwise specified, depersonalization disorder and derealization. The literature even sometimes describes DID as complex and/or chronic PTSD.

I'm fortunate that it doesn't happen too often anymore unless I'm in the height of acute stress or I'm having a PTSD flare-up.

Sorry to hear so many can relate.

Petunia

[kimmydawn]

hey, i just saw this thread. i'm sorry. i know that i do that, but i'm usually pretty dissociative when i do and rarely remember it fully. it's difficult to deal with at the time and cause for further panic here.

my mother has the dx of depersonalization disorder as well as derealization.

i hope you weren't injured in the accident, petunia? i'm glad you're safe and sound now

i wanted to add as well that Petunia said:

"The literature even sometimes describes DID as complex and/or chronic PTSD."

as far as i know complex ptsd has not yet been made an official dx...under either dissociative disorders or anxiety disorders, but hopefully soon will be. i wish it would be added soon, and expect it to be. however, i feel there would still be clear differences between the two.

so many t's haven't such diverse views of DID. i get so confused about my own dx sometimes.

anyhow, back to the orginal topic...depersonization is real and confusing, and difficult to deal with.

(((((((((((((((((everyone who lives with depersonalization)))))))))))))))

kd

a person can have depersonalization with or without having DID. Basically Dissociative disorders fall on a scale of one to ten the lowest being quick daydreaming typ[e situations that don't interfere with a person and their daily living and 10 being Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and all the disorders that have to do with separating the physical aspects from the mental aspects falls on that scale. I was told my ability of separating into seeming to be outside my body is called dissociating and that depersonalization is when a person gomentally numb so they cant feel a part of their body. this makes them feel like that body part doesn't belong to them. I do this all the time. I watch tv and during a comercial look down at my hand and sometimes becoause of my being so relazed I cant feel it. I know it is there and can move it but I cant feel it my mind does and optical illusion kind of thing making me think for a few seconds that it doesn't belong to me but then I get up and wash my hands and concentrate on how the soap feels and then Im back to normal again.

as far as i know complex ptsd has not yet been made an official dx

Oh no, it hasn't. I know that Judith Hermann has been pushing for that to happen for many years now.

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that DID and Complex PTSD were the same but that they are very closely related.

My mistake!

Petunia

[kimmydawn]

oh, no, petunia. i didn't assume that you did! it was just a recent topic in PTSD i think, and a recent topic with t and i. also i was doing some reading (which i shouldn't do) and stumbled across some information that had upset me regarding DID.

basically, i was going thru some stuff i've been learning lately as well.

kd