[Bmee2]

I did not know what to call this. I just wanted to rant. We are the sole caretaker of the Mother. She was more of an absent by stander then a helper in our story. Yet we try harder than humanly possible at times to make her love us. Well now she needs us. That feels good but exhausted we all are. We are her eyes, ears, legs, and hands. We need to be around constantly. We have few or no outside friends. We can barely get to therapy but we are struggling to do so. We have a psychiatrist, but recently lost our therapist. She moved and only sees clients at her house over an hour away. Plus her only available time slot is 9AM. We cannot get the mother up, medicated, dressed, ready for the day, in time to drive over an hour, for a 45 minute appointment. We are fairly new to driving and just find the entire situation beyond overwhelming. So we stopped seeing our therapist in January 2010.
We still see the psychiatrist thank heavens.
We just recognized that we have separation anxiety. The mother is 88 and we depend on her income to survive. When we were small she frequently would walk off and leave us...abandon us. Now we are freaking out that she is going to leave us again...pass away. We know it is coming. We just have no friends or family to help us. In fact we are scared of a lot of family. So we fret quietly and mumble something to our psych. doctor.
Think something is wrong that we would spend all our money to get a kindle for the mother. There is that forever longing to make her happy at all cost. It always fails to get the desired result...her love. Yet we cannot stop.
Love us, trust us, believe in us.
UGH!
This is the wrong place for this. Oh I had better stop now. Just scared and ...I guess we just wanted to talk,

Hello, Bmeyeho2. Being a caregiver is difficult under the best of circumstances. You do not abnegate your right to your own life by becoming one. Your mother may not change, but you can choose to love yourself and jettison the guilt that haunts you. Now is the time to work on building a support base for yourself.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...or-caregivers/
http://www.helpguide.org/elder/carin...caregivers.htm
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/ma...82&pf=3&page=1
http://www.medicare.gov/caregivers/

Take care of yourself, Bmeyeho2

[confused43]

Hi
There are nusring homes out there that can help you out. You can have a home health aid come in and clean and a nursing to privide heath care needs.

[Hunny]

Bmeyeho2
This caregiving role sounds kind but for us it shows us how enabling we can be. First so many years ago we felt obligated toward our Mom and now it's a non-husband. Wraps their tentacles around us and sucks us under. Blech! ...feelings of fear around abandonment issues so they can do or say or drag us down, must keep working on doing for self/ves. Not so wrong a spot. Hope you can get back to your counsellor. Someone else may be able to come in that morning so you can focus on you.

[Callista]

Hmm... you know, this sounds like a sort of a logistical problem. Maybe if you could get some help; someone to help your mother in the mornings or maybe stay with her for a few hours during the day. There are adult day-cares that will pick up people and drop them off, for example. Home health care might help; an aide for a few hours a day could take a lot of pressure off you.

You say you're seeing a psychiatrist--that could be a start; you could ask about referrals to an agency or a social worker who might give you some information about how to get help caring for your mother. You have a problem: Too much work, not enough time. But the problem has a solution.

[Hunny]

Bmeyeho2

You really got the brain churning on this one and maybe 'cause the caregiving (past and present) is magnified at this time of year.
Be strong and courageous comes to mind. We too have to let the caregiver go (to a degree) in order to receive the help we need to be strong for self/ves and to eventually spill over with any help for someone else.
It is pretty scary but what else can we do, more of the same? I don't think so. I am sorry it makes it sound so simple, it just reads this way, simple, that is. It's going to need support, from here and others, your therapist, and well, lots of other supports, everywhere.
It is going to take a bit (maybe a long bit) to put it in place, until I/we/you do we stand with you.
We can only think we must be worth it, right?

[Crew]

((((((((Bmeyeho2))))))))))))

Just know I'm thinking of you. Everyone so far has great answers except for me, however were behind you 100%.

I am sorry your having Troubles Bmeyeho2 yet way to go on asking for support and what you need Yay for YOU!

Do take care of you, won't you?

Your friend,
Crew

[Bmee2]

All over the map these days. I was not sure if I wrote this or if I was dreaming about writing it. lol. Anyway. I have begun to look for some help...if not every day at least once a week. And this was the first holiday that i conked out. One i got sick with a cold and slept for two days...the ----with house work. Then I made cookies and wrapped gifts and went to my cousin's house for the 25th. Then Snow came and i remained in the house since. No house work. Just cooking. Now the snow has melted,
sleep is troubled but...the rest was more than what i could have asked for. Between, the mother's eye surgery on the 20th, that fear, the running around before that, the physical therapy sessions, the visiting nurse that came with the pt and the mother being afraid to let them in the house while she is alone, trying to keep up with house cleaning, trying to get a new insulin pump, trying to find a new T that will accept Medicare and has time available that will work around the needs of the mother, and to top it all, longing for a friend....just plain knocked us out with exhaustion.
The fog is lifting a bit.
It is hard to put me first, but i hope 2011 to begin with us then see about the mother. i think we can do it. And with some luck and help from everywhere, i will find another T that can work with us all.
Have i put you all to sleep yet? No? Well it is time for a nap for me. Thank Goodness Dinner is complete. Thank you all. Thank you Crew, Krazy_Phoenix, Hunny, Callista, Confused 43 and the Byzantine.

[Hunny]

Bmee,

First, I just really like your name. Second, i am searching for ways to let you know there are those of us out here for you. Please post more as you are able. These dates are coming up and it might help for you to know that others are still hoping and praying for you to not feel too abandoned and alone and confused, as you hold all the corners of the tent down till you can get some relief. How is it coming along, dear one?

Originally Posted by Bmee2

All over the map these days. I was not sure if I wrote this or if I was dreaming about writing it. lol. Anyway. I have begun to look for some help...if not every day at least once a week. And this was the first holiday that i conked out. One i got sick with a cold and slept for two days...the ----with house work. Then I made cookies and wrapped gifts and went to my cousin's house for the 25th. Then Snow came and i remained in the house since. No house work. Just cooking. Now the snow has melted,
sleep is troubled but...the rest was more than what i could have asked for. Between, the mother's eye surgery on the 20th, that fear, the running around before that, the physical therapy sessions, the visiting nurse that came with the pt and the mother being afraid to let them in the house while she is alone, trying to keep up with house cleaning, trying to get a new insulin pump, trying to find a new T that will accept Medicare and has time available that will work around the needs of the mother, and to top it all, longing for a friend....just plain knocked us out with exhaustion.
The fog is lifting a bit.
It is hard to put me first, but i hope 2011 to begin with us then see about the mother. i think we can do it. And with some luck and help from everywhere, i will find another T that can work with us all.
Have i put you all to sleep yet? No? Well it is time for a nap for me. Thank Goodness Dinner is complete. Thank you all. Thank you Crew, Krazy_Phoenix, Hunny, Callista, Confused 43 and the Byzantine.

[krazy_phoenix]

Listening, and hearing your 'trap'. Sitting beside you while we play this game called life.
kp