[misty]

I go through periods of perenoia and pushing ppl away including T and coming here. Then feel like I am just so full of ideas and just want to post post post. Oh my!!! then I end up feeling like said too much here with T or with friends and then back into the cycle we go. What is up with that? Then all the convo in the head goes and oh my. cheese and crackers!
lrks

[misty]

breathe........ in slowly then out phew.......... I will just blab on cuz I know not many of you know me/us cuz of the way we are here and then gone and on and on. That is my life and want to change it but how? pushed away all even T now what?

[__zh]

the feeling of having said or shared too much is very common with survivors of abuse and those living with DID.

sometimes it is merely discomfort at the subject matter and all it takes is getting it out and practice talking about the uncomfortable subject.

other times it is someone inside who doesn't wish for the amount of sharing going on and kicks in with the paranoia and inner messages of "stop sharing" "don't talk" "don't tell" "you've said too much" etc.

round and round it goes in the cycle. yep. we are familiar with that kind of thinking.

awareness is the first step in changing something. now that you are aware of this cycle perhaps you can start making tiny steps to change? bit by bit....it is possible ya know!

hang in there lrks. we have always looked forward to any contribution from your screen name............no matter who is the one posting. we care about all of ya.

[__zh]

we're not feeling pushed away here by you..........wanna try harder?

what can you do? well..........posting and expressing yourself/ves is one way. PMs with members is another. e-mails are yet a third way.

ppl tend to understand the time between contact especially when they themselves are dealing with mental disease/disorder.

we're here. we care. we're interested. and we're not that easy to shove away!

Yea.but Im not sure if its paranoia or what it is considered for me. I think all the time of things I should or want to tell my therapist but then I don't. Instead I turn to my friends, post on websites and so on. I don't want to end up in the hospitals again and on medications that leave me in a zombee hung over state and some of what I keep from my therapist are things that can and most likely would land me in a mental health unit. Other times my not telling her things is because I am protecting my friends privacy. I generally keep my therapists at a distance on purpose at times because in the past about every two -three years into therapy with someone they end up leaving -getting fired, laid off, vacations which they decide not to come back or they find out I'm DID and refer me to someone else because they can't help or deal with it. To save myself the crashing and hi emotions when this happens I don't depend on my therapist for everything, my friends know 100% of what is going on and my therapists if they are lucky know one fourth of what is going on and those things are the things that my friends and I have already tried to fix but couldn't. I have been called paranoid by many therapists for my doing this and I tell them think what they want, I don't really care what label they call it all that matters is that I don't get raped again in a Mental health unit by being this way, I'm not being some shrinks medicine guinea pig this way, Im not crashing EVERY time the therapists leave me and at the same time I am working on things that need to be done.

What you said holds for me too. I feel I do exactly the same.

C

[Zorah]

We know exactly what you mean !!!!
We do the same thing, kind of in cycles.
We get very scared about maybe having said too much
& then we run away.

[misty]

wow! ((((((((myself))))))))))) sounds you have the support you need and know what you need and don't need that is so awesome. My hope is to be able to build outside support just can't seem to stick around long enough to do so in the way that doesn't chase ppl away. It is nice to know I can come and go here and have ppl who understand and still want to be here say hi and support. Thank you!
larks

[misty]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
the feeling of having said or shared too much is very common with survivors of abuse and those living with DID.

sometimes it is merely discomfort at the subject matter and all it takes is getting it out and practice talking about the uncomfortable subject.

other times it is someone inside who doesn't wish for the amount of sharing going on and kicks in with the paranoia and inner messages of "stop sharing" "don't talk" "don't tell" "you've said too much" etc.

round and round it goes in the cycle. yep. we are familiar with that kind of thinking.

awareness is the first step in changing something. now that you are aware of this cycle perhaps you can start making tiny steps to change? bit by bit....it is possible ya know!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I re-read this zh and you are so on target with what goes on. stoping the cycle is deffinately my hope. I am taking your suggestions in other post by emails, pms etc..
I didn't realize so many go through the same.
larks

[shadowdancer]

i feel the same way sometimes, skylrks. i post stuff and then i spend hours agonizing over whether i've said too much or not enough or etc etc... it drives me crazy but i am slowly beginning to be able to ease back on those panicking thoughts. hopefully if you post more here with us and PM some more it will help to make you feel more comfortable with us.

(((((((((skylrks))))))))))


shadow