[hobbittmom]

Hi. I don't know if I'm allowed to post this or not, but I'm going through a hard time and would appreciate advice or encouragement. I keep waking up at night after my head is dropped down. I have an alter who keeps putting me to sleep and my head drops and I don't remember much. I keep getting little when my head drops and I hate it.
I bought a tent. I sometimes sleep in my bed, but sometimes I sleep in my tent and love it. I don't mind sleeping on the floor and I sleep when I can. I just hate having someone tell me to sleep and making me blink my eyes. I hate it. I want to sleep when I want to, not when a mean person tells me to.
I like to write and draw and sometimes I like to do that at night and sleep in the daytime and my alter doesn't like it. All she does is argue and hurt my neck with bad words. I don't like her. Her name is Martha and she's someone who hurt me in the past. I don't like her, she's so full of hate and sometimes she yells through me. I think she wants me to get kicked out of my apartment. She's really scary and sometimes chokes me when I eat. I don't know what to do about her. I need help. I can't integrate her and I put her in lockdown like they say in Got Parts and all she does is hurt me and wants to hurt people in the real world and I won't let her and it makes her mad. She's not a protector, she's evil and I don't like hearing her. All she does is call up bad body memories of the abuse. She wants me to drop my head down and I don't want to. I want to sleep when I feel like it, not when she says so. What do I do about her? Has anyone else gone through experiences like this? If so, what did you do?
I think that's it for now. If I set someone off, I'm sorry. And I hope this gets posted and that I don't get into trouble.
Thank you,
Hobbittmom

Hi Hobbittmom, That sounds really hard and scary. I am new here so I don't know you at all... do you, and Martha, have a therapist to talk to? If you do, has Martha gotten a chance to talk about what she's been through? I know that one of our really angry, evil sounding insiders who is REALLY mean to most of us (especially the kids) sometimes just needs a chance to talk to our T and get a chance to talk. I wonder if Martha is just trying to communicate something about the pain she is in, and she's just communicating it in a really bad way? Cans she draw pictures? Can she write about what she is going through? A few of our inside kids who act really awful have had some stories to tell...it helps them act better when they have the chance to talk to someone.
In the meantime, a tent sounds like a good idea if it helps you sleep. Would leaving a light on at night help, or maybe some soft music? I hope it gets better soon.

[hobbittmom]

Originally Posted by SarahMichelle

Hi Hobbittmom, That sounds really hard and scary. I am new here so I don't know you at all... do you, and Martha, have a therapist to talk to? If you do, has Martha gotten a chance to talk about what she's been through? I know that one of our really angry, evil sounding insiders who is REALLY mean to most of us (especially the kids) sometimes just needs a chance to talk to our T and get a chance to talk. I wonder if Martha is just trying to communicate something about the pain she is in, and she's just communicating it in a really bad way? Cans she draw pictures? Can she write about what she is going through? A few of our inside kids who act really awful have had some stories to tell...it helps them act better when they have the chance to talk to someone.
In the meantime, a tent sounds like a good idea if it helps you sleep. Would leaving a light on at night help, or maybe some soft music? I hope it gets better soon.

Thank you, she does want to talk to the therapist and she is mean to the littles. She doesn't like littles. I can draw her face and I want to integrate her really badly. I give her rules but she doesn't obey. I put her in lockdown and all she thinks of is hurting me. She can't stand kids.
I leave the hall light on and give myself the sensory cart. She hates it, she thinks I'm selfish. I have other alters who are good and they help. She's my only angry alter.
My favorite alter is Little Brother and I switch into him alot. She hates him. They don't get along. I just want to sleep and not have my head dropped down. I might let her talk to my therapist. Maybe it will help.
Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.
Hobbittmom