[Noah's Wife]

I have DID. I feel like I'm the only one in this country who does. Not even my psychiatrist knows about it or how to deal with it. (I was diagnosed back home in the early 90's).
I'm feeling really alone.
I'd love to talk to other people with DID.

Some questions I have lately surround parenting.
I have a four year old boy and a one-and-a-half year-old girl. I was able to work, raise my children, help my husband through four years of post grad studies (still not finished) all the while ignoring my multiplicity for the most part.
All that caught up to me at Christmas time.
Now all my parts seem to be talking at once.
Some of my inside people are surprised to realize I'm a mom. And that we're not doing things the way we always imagined we would when we got here.
Some of my littles are jealous of my real children.
I have a LOT of anger towards my husband about needing me to put him through university. I feel like he's the reason we're not the mother we always thought we would be.
I take my birth children's short comings incredibly personally. As signs of failure.
I get really scared when I see fear in my children's eyes. Especially if the four year old's eyes widen when I can tell I'm "switching". (How is it four year-olds can tell that better than 37 year-old husbands?)

Anyway...
I guess my questions are...
has anybody else been surprised by finding themselves a mom?
any advice about how to respond when your birth children trigger your littles within?
anybody who can help me remember that the dust will settle again? this chaos of adjustment will pass and we will be calm once more?

[krazy_phoenix]

Hi there Noah's Wife,
I'm a mum with DID too. There are several mums here with DID and one thing we all share in common is the monumental task of juggling our irl children with our unique set of circumstances. As you know, having DID poses many, many issues that simply do not even occur to the minds of those who do not understand. Most ppl do not have a grasp of the depth, complexity and interwoven nature of the day-to-day challenges we face in caring for just ourselves, let alone our children + partners + extended family + career/household/study etc. Sometimes it even surprises us how we do it! Yet we do.
There are aspects of me/us as a mother that I have shared here on PC that I would not even disclose to my T because I think it would be such a stretch for them to understand. And yet it is my 'reality'. We are the mother to three beautiful children, just turned 5yo boy, 2.5yo and 10mth old girls. I am the baby's mum, and the older childrens 'guardian'. One of us considers herself the children's favourite aunt, some 'accept the responsibility' and treat the kids as a 'job' lacking the nurturing touch, and a couple couldn't care less about them (just don't see them as 'theirs'). We are currently getting further T assistance as I am very concerned about 'our' effect on the kids and want to know what I can do to minimise any negative impact I may have. I look constantly for signs of stress in them and worry always about their emotional and mental health - but you know what? - parents who don't have our 'DID challenges' have other challenges, and they are worrying about their kids too. We will make mistakes, just like every other sort of parent. And we will strive to do our best, to make our children's lives better than how ours was - just what humans have been doing for a millenia of generations, hoping and working and sometimes struggling toward a better future for the next generation. On the days when I'm struggling, struggling to even 'be here', the one enduring thought that keeps me is that no-one, NO-ONE, will protect my children like I can. I may be very far from the perfect mother, but no-one will ever hurt my children. I find a little strength in that.
I'm sorry you are struggling right now. It would be great if those buttons our loved ones are so good at pushing had instructions for defusing. I'm sorry too if I've rambled on. Just wanted to let you know that you so very not alone. Feel free to PM me anytime, and if you'd like to feel some comfort in reading some of my parenting struggles, feel free to view some of my past posts.
I look forward to getting to know all of you and reading your posts here on PC.
kp

[krazy_phoenix]

....OH, and I forgot....Welcome to PC!!

[Noah's Wife]

Hi... it's so good to meet you. Thanks for responding.
It is very encouraging to hear from somebody else who has DID and who is a mom. Thanks so very much.
I will try to invite you be a friend, but I am so new to this website and I'm finding it a little confusing. :-)
Also... do you have ideas for how I could meet some more moms with DID?
You were so kind and welcoming.
Thank you.

[Hunny]

Welcome, Noah's wife,

We have a Mom on sabbatical (she soooo needed the rest). She watches and advises through the grandma. She may actually be the grandma. If, we knew what non-Did grandmas felt like we would know for sure but it doesn't really matter because she had and has a huge love and concern for her children as Phoenix does and now her grandchildren.

Anyways, a big welcome and hope you find the support you need.

[Fox]

{hugs Noah's Wife if hugs are okay} Welcome to PC. I'm not a parent so I got nothing for you. But looks like some parents have shared with you and I hope they continue sharing with you. It's great to meet you.