[shoez]

Okay. Many of you have seen my posts. Where I am petrified of being touched due to past sexual abuse. Where Im just completely a different person.

I dont know how to explain this. How can I go from being so afraid of men..i mean AFRAID , PETRIFIED.

Then, suddenly...I find myself wanting to cheat on partner, fantasizing of being with married men..Its crazy I dont understand.

Its literally like I just have too many unrelated personality triats.
Im aware of all of them...I dont dissociate..but I cant control when I change and how can I go from...afraid of men..to being with men and wanting to cheat on them at the same time! WHAT??

im so ashamed

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by shoez

Okay. Many of you have seen my posts. Where I am petrified of being touched due to past sexual abuse. Where Im just completely a different person.

I dont know how to explain this. How can I go from being so afraid of men..i mean AFRAID , PETRIFIED.

Then, suddenly...I find myself wanting to cheat on partner, fantasizing of being with married men..Its crazy I dont understand.

Its literally like I just have too many unrelated personality triats.
Im aware of all of them...I dont dissociate..but I cant control when I change and how can I go from...afraid of men..to being with men and wanting to cheat on them at the same time! WHAT??

im so ashamed

this kind of thing happens whether you are mentally disordered or not.

I dont know if this is like your situation or not. just a general statistics type thing I learned along the way with school and work...

generally when a person is abused theres four outcomes..

1. the persons adult life is perfectly normal because they for some reason no doctors, therapists and others can explain were not affected by being abused or having a disfunctional childhood

2. the person becomes a problem to their self and others - behavior problems, problems with the law, parenting problems, depression, suicidal. promisquous sexualized behaviors..... a whole mess of things can go wrong for this person either by itself or combined symptoms.

3 they strive to to be perfect.... honor students, best jobs, best schools the works. over achievers, workaholics. the outcome of everything they do is positive and above and beyond..

what you are discribing in your post fits this one -

4. the person bounces back and forth between being good and bad....such as one day being an A student and the next failing everything..strive to be perfect then bouncing into not caring and not applying their self, being promiscuous and then no sex at all for what ever reasons. being catholic one day a budhist another, drinking and drugging and everything considered wrong according to the bible and then bouncing into being the most Christian person on earth....

sometimes this bouncing is regulated by fears, anxieties, sometimes its trying to live up to others expectations and other times only the one doing the bouncing from one extreme to the other knows why its happening and sometimes they dont know why its happening. sometimes its chemical imbalances and medication helps, sometimes it happens because of any one of the known mental disorders or a combo of mental disorders sometimes it has no bearing upon mental disorders... theres a whole mess of reasons behind why a person goes from one extreme to another.

we cant diagnose you here and we cant tell you what this is for you because we are not you and not in your life. the only way you can find out what this is, is by contacting your treatment providers and asking them to help you figure out what this is.