They want me to go again.
They want me to meet with two new people.
One is the consultant psychiatrist and the other is the consultant psychologist.
I'm not clear whether they just want to discuss my "concerns" - there is some suggestion that the psychologist might want to do a psychology assessment.
I'm scared I won't be able to stay there. Alice has been coming out a lot at the hospital and doing stuff I can't remember. She cried and rocked and closed her eyes last tiem and then I think she went away too - she certainly didn't want to be reached. She came out when I saw Ruth last week too - we ended up hiding under the bench and ruth had to make us come out. It's all too scary, too scary. Lorraine said she will come too but it is still scary. What if I say the wrong things and they decide I don't need help or don't deserve it again? What if I can't talk?
It's not for a long time (17th January) but I am scared already. I am trying not to think about it and I have written down what I want to say so I can print it out to give them if I need to. The complaints department won't answer my questions by email any more because they say it is too distressing for me and not good for me. All these people who have never seen me keep making decisions about what is best for me. And they all keep saying different things. I feel like I am in a maze and all I want is for someone to show me the way out. I don't want them to get me out, just to point me in the right direction. But nobody wants to.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

((( caroline )))
I am sorry you are scared I hate when I am scared even if it is for something good for me...and I do not wait well either I worry way too much...we will wait with you ok?

[January]

(((((((((((((( Caroline ))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you are in such pain and are so frightened. Writing down what you want to say is a very good idea. You have insured that the specialists will certainly know what you have to say. I hope the stress eases up soon.

Hugs,

Jan

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((Caroline))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry this is continuing to drag out!

Jan has a great idea! Can you take some of your posts from here and put them into a journal, then add more of just exactly what this horrible experience has done to you...added to depression and so much more? I hope that you can try to do that.

KD

[Mahali]

I agree very good ideas. I hope it all works for you and you get some help so you won't need to be scared any more.

Good Luck Caroline.

[Fuzzybear]

good luck C.

[allthegirls6]

Caroline,

Keep going with this. Even though its hard, its going to be worth it in the end. Im thinking of you

Atg

Thank you all.

Today I got a letter telling me that there are going to be two other official people at the meeting as well - the community mental health team manager who I have never met, and a mental health social work who I have met twice. Even more scared.