[TrailRunner14]

Does a feeling of being "watched" all the time happen with anyone else?

It's not a paranoid or anxious feeling. It's kind of more like a "knowing" or awareness. It's something I've always felt, I think.

Maybe it is connected to DP or DR? I'm still trying to understand those 2 things.

Just curious if anyone else experiences that feeling of someone always "watching" them.

[finding_my_way]

i have had this, though variations throughout my lifetime. sometimes, it has been the feeling of being watched externally, so more the anxious/paranoid type. other times, it is what you describe without anxiety or paranoia and like i'm being watched from the inside, just under the surface type thing but don't really always know it, though i do type of thing.

when i was younger, before i was able to put pieces together, i thought things were coming from outside of me. once i realized it was from inside, it helped a lot, and some things settled down after that. i wasn't crazy like i thought, at least not in that way lol but things have varied for me in that regard.

i've had all kinds of 'being watched' experiences (for real and not real), so it has been a process when each thing has come up as to how it manifests and figuring out what, why, etc. and then having it kind of lessen again.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

i have had this, though variations throughout my lifetime. sometimes, it has been the feeling of being watched externally, so more the anxious/paranoid type. other times, it is what you describe without anxiety or paranoia and like i'm being watched from the inside, just under the surface type thing but don't really always know it, though i do type of thing.

when i was younger, before i was able to put pieces together, i thought things were coming from outside of me. once i realized it was from inside, it helped a lot, and some things settled down after that. i wasn't crazy like i thought, at least not in that way lol but things have varied for me in that regard.

i've had all kinds of 'being watched' experiences (for real and not real), so it has been a process when each thing has come up as to how it manifests and figuring out what, why, etc. and then having it kind of lessen again.

The external and internal comparison... I've not really considered that. Sometimes it does feel external, and I get really jumpy/easily startled, klutzy and off balance. Other times it does feel internal, not sure how to describe that. Almost like a part of me (or someone) is standing behind me/above me watching what I'm doing and listening.

So with you it is triggered by something that you can figure out? Can you ground yourself down from it? Mine seems to be a constant state.

[finding_my_way]

sometimes, it's a pure PTSD/trauma related reaction. there isn't always a known trigger to it. i just can feel things are off, and then it hits full force mixed with severe dissociation.

i assume it starts internally though as there is not a known trigger...and it extends to become external. i think it might have a domino effect to where it affects other parts in my system as well.

the only thing i can do during that type of reaction is stay at home and be alone because everything else is too difficult...and just functioning becomes near impossible because of how severe it is. if i'm around people (like walking to the store) and it is happening, the fear of being watched, seen, etc. i will fear people want to hurt me or are following me, etc. so, for safety reasons inside and out, i just have to be alone until it passes....sometimes it's days or weeks it can happen..but it is not 24/7 like it used to be years ago thankfully.

grounding techniques have never seemed to work because things just hit so fast and hard that there is nothing that can interrupt it.

[TrailRunner14]

I understand what you are describing. I've been in that place before too. It's really scary when that happens. I'm so glad for you that it is getting better for you!

Maybe what I'm feeling is being on the verge all the time. Like a radar waiting to flip the switch.

Thank you for your reply!!

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[cheshiregrins]

I've had this feeling for as long as I can remember, probably close to 30 years now. I think it's when I dissociate, I'm apart from my body so it's like I'm watching body, or like someone else is watching me. When I'm grounded/safe/not dissociated I don't have this feeling.

[TrailRunner14]

That sounds so inviting.. to be grounded/safe...... My heart truly wants to know that feeling. Still trying to figure out the workings of dissociation. Is there a constant guard there to zip line you away at any minute something seems threatening or scary? Are you at its mercy? Do you have no choice? Will I ever be able to feel it before it happens and calm it?

Sorry!! Too many questions.

It just feels very scary to be at the mercy of someone... much less your own self. If that makes sense.

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