[Monty_girl]

This valentines it will be 20 years since one of my abusers died. I have never cried about his lose. I know that there were a few good things about him. Some, somewhat happy memories. But I have never been upset about his death. Am I wrong to still not be upset? I still refer to his death as our day of freedom. Because his death gave me the freedom. I didn't have to look around corners any longer, I didn't have to worry about when he would abuse me. His death was like this hugh weight that was taken off of my shoulders. I know that a piece ( alter ) feels like she is responsible for his death. ( he died from the flu which he had gotten from us ) There is this confusing mix of feelings. Guilt to happiness. It's now 20 years later and think we are even more confused now then ever before. How are we suppose to deal with such extreme different feelings? Just confused.
Monty

No theres nothing wrong with that. I to have mixed feelings about my abusers deaths. Somethimes Im happy and look at is a freedom, other times there is a bit (not much any more but a bit) of the guilt. I am glad that I can now remember the good times with them.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((monty))))))))))))))))))))

my main abuser is still here and probably still abusing. No, i don't find it odd or different for you to FEEL anything you do or do not feel.

you're a miracle.

love,

kd

[January]

(((((((((((((( Monty )))))))))))))))

There is not one thing wrong with feeling relief and freedom because your abuser died. That's a perfectly normal reaction. Please tell the person who feels guilty there is no need because people catch the flu all the time. You're feelings of relief are justified.

Be good to yourself.

Hugs,

Jan

[kerria]

((((((Monty))))safe hugs if ok

Some of the same things are true for me. a part feels responsible and i don't know it she is or not. It's so hard to have so many opposite intense feelings. i think that's why there are separate parts to hold them.

Stay safe. Take gentle care of all inside,
kerria

[Monty_girl]

Thanks myself
I have enought trouble with dealing with feelings. And when they are mixed and confusing about the same person I just don't know how to take them.
Monty

[Monty_girl]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I"m sorry your main abuser is still around. One of my main abusers is still alive and still abusing. ( will give name of abuser in PM to anyone in Ohio, Ky or Indiana where this abuser is known to live. The state of Ky knows where he is. Long story that p***es me off )

I guess it's just odd for me to feel anything. Just trying to understand all of this.

Love, Monty

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((((((( Jan ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

That's the same thing my T has told her. That ppl catch the flu all the time and that she didn't do anything worng. He was sick to start with. Just hard to make a child understand.

Hugs back at ya,
Monty

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( kerria ))))))))))))))))))))))))))
hugs are Ok for us today

I think your right. So many of my parts are holders of feelings/ emotions. I don't think many of my parts hold the actual memories of the events. Think that there are just a few that hold the memories. Showing any kind of emotions were never alloud. Was never alloud to laugh or cry. I have a part who does nothing but laugh and tell jokes. Kind of feel like the odd chic out.

For me now everyone is starting to come together. It's EXTREMELY hard to sort all of this out.

Monty