Went to a church house group meeting on Wednesday. The way it was set up was that it was led by one member on a topical issue of their choosing. The idea was that we discussed this issue from a Christian perspective. Well, the issue they chose was assisted suicide and it triggered me REALLY badly, on all sorts of levels. I can't seem to get out of that state now. I have talked to my pastor and his wife and they have been great, but it is like my thoughts are going round and round in circles. There is fear that some might judge me if they knew I was in a similar state previously, hurt for the people in the cases we were discussing, anger at being "ambushed" by this and all sorts of other thoughts and feelings. I feel myself spiralling down. I can't talk to my counsellor because we have stopped sessions until I have seen the psychologists at the hospital. It was portrayed as so black and white. I'm frustrated with myself because I tried to explain that there was more to the issue than they were putting forward, but I couldn't argue strongly enough so shut up. And I feel scared about going back to another meeting - I've only just started going back anyway and now it doesn't feel safe.

[allthegirls6]

Caroline,
It sounds like you want to go to these meetings but are worried about possible other topics that might be hard.

Is it possible that you could find out before hand what is to be discussed and then decide if you should go?

How you all doing anyway

Hi atg

Yes, you got it there. I know I need to go but also that I need to protect myself. But it feels wrong to do that - I don't feel like I deserve protection.

Thank you for replying.

Not doing well right now. One week till the psychology appt. Feeling very disconnected and scared and downa s well as tired. Useless me.

How about you?

[nothemama8]

{*{*{*{*Caroline*}*}*}*}
Doing Kudos for you here cuz it's safer for us

I have official type meeings that I have to go to every 6 months. one thing that helps me alot is taking relaxing music to listen to before I go into the meetings, I also get to the meeting place 15 minutes ahead of the scheduled meeting time so that I have time to relax and visit the rest room if needed. and then during the meetings I check in with myself and if Im not feeling comfortable I excuse myself and go to the rest room. If anyone after the meeting asks what happened I tell them I had the flu recently and needed to get to the restroom. No one is going to question someone needing to throw up from the flu. take care.

[mlyn]

Excusing your self is good idea if triggered.
One thing I learned that is so awwesome is, I OWE NO ONE EXPLANATION FOR NOTHING. I was always trying to explain even if I had no clue. When I was told that and I sat down and thaught of who I really owe any explanation to for real, it was No One.
mlyn