[Miracle1986]

My ex-T had helped me sign up for this (what we both thought would be a really helpful) resource for me called Valor Institute. It is an organization "dedicated to to serving clients (peers) who are healing from dissociative disorders of a traumatic origin." Valor does things like weekend outings, monthly luncheons, retreats, etc

I was so excited and happy! I was actually going to get to meet other people with DID in person! WooHoo!!!

Well, T helped me fill out all the paperwork and she faxed it to the head of Valor one day while I was in her office, because Valor is a recommendation-only thing. You have to have a T recommend/sign you up.

A few days later, I received my Valor welcome package in the mail. WooHoo!!

It gave me my details to log-on to their secure website and use the resources there (another feature Valor offers is online portals to client recommended services: doctors, lawyers, etc) So I went and logged in and made an introduction post in the little Welcome area. I told everyone that I was super excited to be apart of Valor and I couldn't wait to make new friends.

About maybe 3-4 days later, I got an email from T saying that she she received an email from the head of Valor and they that didn't feel like I was ready for the face-to-face and/or peer support that they had to offer and that my introduction post was unsettled to some members, and thus they had decided to terminate my membership. I went back and read my introduction and it said that I didn't have a formal dx yet and that "I'm not sure I want one. I feel like it would be just another label, and who wants another label? Certainly not me!!!"

I didn't email T back to see if that is what was unsettling to some members, I was to hurt, but I can only assume that it was.

IF WE CAN'T QUESTION OUR DX WITH OTHER "PEERS" WHERE ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IT?!?! WHY IS IT SO WRONG TO QUESTION IT???? HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST ACCEPT "OH THIS IS JUST HOW IT IS" AND NEVER HAVE DOUBTS EVER AGAIN?!?! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!

That was about 2 weeks ago and we all still feel hurt, pissed, depressed, sad, etc. IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! ALL WE WANT TO DO IS MEET OTHERS LIKE US IN PERSON/OFFLINE SO WE DON'T HAVE TO FEEL SO ALONE AND MISUNDERSTOOD WHEN WE ARE NOT ONLINE!!!! WHY IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR FOR!!!!!! Are we destined to be alone and misunderstood forever????

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Miracle1986

My ex-T had helped me sign up for this (what we both thought would be a really helpful) resource for me called Valor Institute. It is an organization "dedicated to to serving clients (peers) who are healing from dissociative disorders of a traumatic origin." Valor does things like weekend outings, monthly luncheons, retreats, etc

I was so excited and happy! I was actually going to get to meet other people with DID in person! WooHoo!!!

Well, T helped me fill out all the paperwork and she faxed it to the head of Valor one day while I was in her office, because Valor is a recommendation-only thing. You have to have a T recommend/sign you up.

A few days later, I received my Valor welcome package in the mail. WooHoo!!

It gave me my details to log-on to their secure website and use the resources there (another feature Valor offers is online portals to client recommended services: doctors, lawyers, etc) So I went and logged in and made an introduction post in the little Welcome area. I told everyone that I was super excited to be apart of Valor and I couldn't wait to make new friends.

About maybe 3-4 days later, I got an email from T saying that she she received an email from the head of Valor and they that didn't feel like I was ready for the face-to-face and/or peer support that they had to offer and that my introduction post was unsettled to some members, and thus they had decided to terminate my membership. I went back and read my introduction and it said that I didn't have a formal dx yet and that "I'm not sure I want one. I feel like it would be just another label, and who wants another label? Certainly not me!!!"

I didn't email T back to see if that is what was unsettling to some members, I was to hurt, but I can only assume that it was.

IF WE CAN'T QUESTION OUR DX WITH OTHER "PEERS" WHERE ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IT?!?! WHY IS IT SO WRONG TO QUESTION IT???? HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST ACCEPT "OH THIS IS JUST HOW IT IS" AND NEVER HAVE DOUBTS EVER AGAIN?!?! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!

That was about 2 weeks ago and we all still feel hurt, pissed, depressed, sad, etc. IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! ALL WE WANT TO DO IS MEET OTHERS LIKE US IN PERSON/OFFLINE SO WE DON'T HAVE TO FEEL SO ALONE AND MISUNDERSTOOD WHEN WE ARE NOT ONLINE!!!! WHY IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR FOR!!!!!! Are we destined to be alone and misunderstood forever????

I have recently been doubting my dx because I don't think I have enough similar symptoms as what I have read on the computer or what I have read on this site. My "alters" don't have their own lives. They are part of me but they all have their own presentation and thoughts. Some of which I don't agree with. I recently became confused when one of my alters did know what music was. I couldn't understand how I know and she didn't. Someone on this site gave me some good insight. But I know that unless I fully believe that I have DID I will not be able to move forward. My guess is the folks at valor are looking for people who are at peace with their dx and are willing to go forward from there. I still don't think what they did was nice. They should have asked you what you thought of your dx and you would have told them in the beginning. I am sorry you are sad. But I am glad you are here with us.

[hermeand]

:: sigh :: That makes me mad too to hear it would be perfect for you and then they would go and do that.

[blossommayflower27]

Miracle1986...to me that sounds rather unjust and i am very sorry to hear that is happening...If there is one thing i understand in your post...its not wanting to have yet another label!!!Also i understand the doubting the DX as well...for me it is a common occurance...well i am soo sorry that is happening...and i want to send lots of hugs and love out to you!!!
(((*HUGS*)))

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Miracle1986

My ex-T had helped me sign up for this (what we both thought would be a really helpful) resource for me called Valor Institute. It is an organization "dedicated to to serving clients (peers) who are healing from dissociative disorders of a traumatic origin." Valor does things like weekend outings, monthly luncheons, retreats, etc

I was so excited and happy! I was actually going to get to meet other people with DID in person! WooHoo!!!

Well, T helped me fill out all the paperwork and she faxed it to the head of Valor one day while I was in her office, because Valor is a recommendation-only thing. You have to have a T recommend/sign you up.

A few days later, I received my Valor welcome package in the mail. WooHoo!!

It gave me my details to log-on to their secure website and use the resources there (another feature Valor offers is online portals to client recommended services: doctors, lawyers, etc) So I went and logged in and made an introduction post in the little Welcome area. I told everyone that I was super excited to be apart of Valor and I couldn't wait to make new friends.

About maybe 3-4 days later, I got an email from T saying that she she received an email from the head of Valor and they that didn't feel like I was ready for the face-to-face and/or peer support that they had to offer and that my introduction post was unsettled to some members, and thus they had decided to terminate my membership. I went back and read my introduction and it said that I didn't have a formal dx yet and that "I'm not sure I want one. I feel like it would be just another label, and who wants another label? Certainly not me!!!"

I didn't email T back to see if that is what was unsettling to some members, I was to hurt, but I can only assume that it was.

IF WE CAN'T QUESTION OUR DX WITH OTHER "PEERS" WHERE ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IT?!?! WHY IS IT SO WRONG TO QUESTION IT???? HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST ACCEPT "OH THIS IS JUST HOW IT IS" AND NEVER HAVE DOUBTS EVER AGAIN?!?! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!

That was about 2 weeks ago and we all still feel hurt, pissed, depressed, sad, etc. IT'S NOT FAIR!!!! ALL WE WANT TO DO IS MEET OTHERS LIKE US IN PERSON/OFFLINE SO WE DON'T HAVE TO FEEL SO ALONE AND MISUNDERSTOOD WHEN WE ARE NOT ONLINE!!!! WHY IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR FOR!!!!!! Are we destined to be alone and misunderstood forever????

I know of this program. it is a sort of step program for those that have already gone beyond the denial stages of the disorder. its for people who are ready to work on the more deeper part of healing from DID.. such as facing the trauma that caused the DID, getting to know yourself and your system of alters, why your system of alters is set up the way it is, learning about grounding, and staying grounded, learning how to use other tools to face and solve problems instead of falling back on dissociating / ignoring the problems you have. not using negative maladaptive behaviors.

questioning the disorder / diagnosis / label is part of the denial phase of any mental or physical problems. if you havent moved beyond that to accepting you have DID then the programs not right for you.

a great example to understand why you were rejected is look at PC. there are many members here. everyone here is at different stages of their healing, we accept that of each other. but look a bit closer...

look at those that dont deny their diagnosis, are at a stage beyond questioning their treatment providers, questioning their diagnosis.

now what if there were about 15 of us that are at this stage beyond denial of the diagnosis and then in the middle of all of us, there is just you, the one person in the group that is still questioning the label, still questioning whether you even have the disorder.

we are all sitting there in a group session together, or sitting around the camp fire and we are all talking about DID in terms of our memories, feelings and trauma, grounding, integration, all this stuff that comes up for people with DID *after* they have accepted their diagnosis and are ready to move on beyond question to in depth work.

do you honestly believe you are ready to hear and talk in front of a group of men and women in great detail how someone was traumatized, abused..

Do you honestly believe you are ready to look at *all* of your problems smack dab in the face without turning away, without using dissociation to escape from knowing what your alters remember... not just the good or mild stuff but the extremely traumatic, heart wrenching, make you want to pass out crap you may have gone through that caused you to become DID.

are you able to talk with your treatment providers with unconditional honesty without fading/ slipping back / dissociating,,

thats the kind of thing these programs like Valor is for.. its the next step *after* you have accepted your diagnosis and diagnosis label.

Im guessing since you posted on their boards you dont care about the label and you dont want to know.. says to them you are still in the denial stage.. plus you stated you havent been diagnosed yet..

question how would you feel if you were in a group of men and women like this and you are baring your soul and theres someone sitting off to the side who really isnt DID. they are just there not to bare their soul but to watch everyone else..

this may be what the people of Valor are concerned about.. you havent been diagnosed yet, they dont know you. they have to protect their other clients from gawkers, scammers and what ever other jerks out there.

before they let you in to their program you may need to go through diagnostics to varify you have the disorder and then you may need to show them you are ready for the kind of work they do, show them you are not in the denial stage still. that you can handle hearing and talking about triggering stuff without going off the deep end, that you have and use all the self care tools to take care of your self..

the last thing they need from the staffing point of view and the last thing the other clients need is someone who is going to suddenly be a danger to their self and others just because they are hearing the label DID, Dissociative Identity disorder 50 times a day and having to talk in detail in front of others all the gory details of abuse and trauma that made them DID.

my suggestion - give it some time, get used to whether you have the disorder or not, go through the testing, work with your treatment providers and someday you will be truly ready for an intensive treatment program that Valor is.

[LeafLace]

Sorry to hear about this, Miracle1986. It makes sense to question your Dx. It's hard not to. For years, everyone told me I was 'fine'. (Did anyone else get the line, 'You're very capable, you're just lazy'? I got that one a lot.) I was evaluated twice in school and they didn't Dx me with so much as ADD. It wasn't until I was nearly thirty and my life was an unmitigated disaster that anyone could begin to see what was wrong and all of a sudden, I was just supposed to trust what strangers were coming up with from a three part questionaire and it wasn't until six months later that the word 'dissociation' came up in T and even then, my T was reticent to go there. It's a long road and we've all got our own. I agree with ClarityToo, if you can't be there, too, I'm glad that you're here. I only joined this site yesterday and I feel so much safer and less alone already. We all deserve a safe place, even if only online.